Zac Smith

For those who also know me on facebook, you have seen me mention Zac Smith on several occasions. I first heard of this man last fall on twitter when different pastors and church staff members at NewSpring Church (the church I go to when I am at school) tweeted about him. I have followed his story for months, praying for him and finding his story was greatly impacting my life, my personal relationship with Christ, my daily walk with the Lord, as well as my relationships here on this earth. His story became something I saw first hand about 12 weeks ago. They played this video in church.

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

It rocked my world. First, because of his young age (32 at the time of diagnosis), and also because as a child of a parents with cancer, I have seen its struggles but also seen how it can radically change the person I am in my faith. In the video, Zac talks about how God's plan for him, despite cancer, was going to be something special. In the video, again shown in February 2010 at church, he says "the bible says in Matt 7:11 'God gives good things to those who ask' God cannot give me a bad gift." He even goes so far as to say cancer is the best thing that happened to him because it positively changed the way he lives his life. He says in the video his hope was that God would heal him. Finally he says "if God chooses to heal me, God is God and God is Good. If God chooses not to heal me, then God is still God and God is still good. To God be the glory."

On Sunday, May 16th, Zac Smith met Jesus face to face. He was healed-- relieved of all the pain and suffering. It breaks my heart for his wife Mandy and their three children. But I am certain he is rejoicing for being with his savior.

Today they posted his memorial service. For whatever reason, it wont let me embed the video, but you can go here and watch it. http://www.newspring.cc/zacsmith

I hope and pray that I can live a life of faith as he did. I pray that at the end, I will have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.

Recent quotes, verses, and comments that have struck a cord with me

Most of y'all know I am blog surfing, a Bible reading, friend adoring, advice seeking, truth yearning, fun loving kind of girl. Over the past few weeks (and in some cases months) I have read and heard some incredible things from friends, family, God, writers, bloggers, and total strangers... these are just a few that have truly struck a cord with me, especially in this incredible season of life! They are in no particular order and are not really related in any way. They are just different things I wanted to share! :-)

"If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we’ll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner." - Beth Moore

"Wait for the man who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of man who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better woman. Wait for the man who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be with you. Wait for the man who makes you smile like no other boy makes you smile. Wait for the man who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and no makeup, but loves it when you get all dolled up for him. Wait for the man who praises God for you, and encourages you daily in your walk, and most importantly, wait for the man who is more in love with God than you."

"Be still, and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

"Nothing demands more elbow grease than thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance." - beth moore

“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, life is learning to dance in the rain"- Jim Barker, 2010 commencement address at Clemson University

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:4-8

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" Luke 6:38

"If you are in Christ then you are the King’s daughter…and you do not need to settle for the boy who can’t accept responsibility…you need to wait for the man who is WILLING to fight for your heart." -Perry Noble

Disturb Us

I was going through old blog posts this evening thinking about the past few years since I created my blog. Life, despite its stormy seasons, has been such a blessing. I don't deserve anything as wonderful and God is SO good!

I found a post a while back (early last fall) where I quoted part prayer of Sir Francis Drake.

It seems to be fitting to me and where my life is at the moment to re-post it, but this time I am going to post the whole shebang.

So...

Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when

With the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

-Sir Francis Drake

Pits, Joseph and Job.

I have learned that Christian life isn't one of sinning less (as we all fall short of His glory) and it's especially not one spent trading visible sins for those easier to hide. It's a life spent everyday exposing more fully the depth of our sin so that we may know the depth of the Christ's love. (adapted from something my friend Jonathan said to me once) I think about the fact that in 2 Corinthians 12:9, it is made very clear that His power is made perfect in my weakness... ("But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.") Let me reiterate-- HIS power MY weakness. I fall short of his glory... every single day of my life. I am nothing without Him. and when I turn from Him or make Him something other than my top priority, things fall apart. I am nothing more than a "pauper to God's scandalous grace."

Early last fall it is safe to say that I started to find myself in a pit. At first it was a pit of my own making from not seeking Him and then was dug deeper by my own sins and bad choices and made worse by another person. Someone vs. a something can make a pit a very complicated, emotional, and spiritual battle. Biblically, a pit can be seen in several different lights as the result of several different things (Genesis and the pit Joseph was thrown into by his brothers, the pit in Job where Job struggled with blame, in Psalms where we are pulled out of a pit by God to stand on firm ground.) The pit I was in at that point was not something I realized I had even started to fall into. All summer I had for the first time in a very long time finally felt real, amazing spiritual growth and was loving every second of life. But then... fall came around, my studio work was beyond stressful, my quiet times became non-existent, my spiritual growth had plateaued and by October I had let a new relationship take priority over my own personal walk and relationship with God. That was not any fault of anyone but my own. Past experience told me even then that when times are stressful and free time short, that is the time that I most need to spend with the Lord. I didn't. At that point I did not realize that I was beginning my quick decent into a pit, but I was. Until recently it is fair to say that I did not realize the full scope of the pit I was existing in or how the pit changed from October to now. I am a good actress... I can act completely happy while inside I am not. I can say the right things, do the right things, and have everyone (including myself at times) fooled. By January and even more so the past few weeks the pit really started to be complicated by new pit-causing problems and my sinking in the pit was more rapid. It had taken a huge emotional and spiritual toll. While the grudges and anger I carried felt like I was getting back at and even with the things and people who hurt me, the reality was that me "jabbing [my] fingers into the guilty one's chest" was really only "jabbing more holes in [my] pit walls and throwing that much more dirt on [my] feet." Satan is cleaver in how he works. "He is a master of using our own insecurity against us. He knows that deep in our hearts we're so fragile and injured by life..." Isaiah 42:22 says that pits are places where we feel stuck and trapped. Psalm 40 tells us pits are not nice places to be and describes them specifically as slimy, muddy, and miry. Its a place where, unless specific action is taken, we sink deeper and deeper (Psalm 69:2) A pit is often a situation where "without windows we're convinced we have nowhere else to go..." and is "so poorly lit we can no longer see things that may have been obvious to us." We can try to make them more manageable and better looking... but in the end, its still a pit and "as soon as the rain comes, it all gets soiled" as every pit has a dirt floor. We need to look up... that's our only hope but "we're often too focused on our sinking feet to crane our necks to the blinding sky." I have finally stopped focusing on my sinking feet. Finally seen what my friends and family saw in December. Finally let go of hope in people and put all my hope in the Lord. I finally have given total and true forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I felt like forgiving was weakness. Beth Moore said something that totally shook me and was my break through too. She said:

"My breakthrough came when I realized that nothing took more divine power than forgiveness, and therefore nothing was more powerful than forgiving. You will never use your own volition-- the force of your will-- more dramatically than when you agree with God to start forgiving. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It's about willing. No stronger force exists. Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ, by His own submission, nailed to that cross. He could have taken Himself down in a split second. He could have called upon every arch-angle in the heavens, armed and ready. Had He said the word, the seas would have swallowed the earth in one gulp. Forgiveness is not passivity... it is power... Nothing demands more elbow grease than thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance."

She is right. It is power. It is the first powerful step to get out of the pit. Its the first powerful step to move forward. It is a critical step that is one of the hardest things to do because you have to forgive someone (in my case someone I deeply cared about) for something they may or may not even know hurt (and may or may not care one way or the other that what they did hurt). I have to think about the story of Joseph in Genesis 37:23-25. Joseph is thrown into a pit by his brothers-- his own flesh and blood, and they could have cared less that they did it and even sat there listening to him while they ate a meal. It says "When Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped off his robe, the robe of many colors that he had on. They then took him and threw him into the pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it. Then they sat down to eat a meal..." Through the course of scripture we find out that not only did Joseph not to toss blame or get angry (against his own brothers who wrongly tossed him into a pit). Instead he opted to "view God as entirely sovereign and ... was the life of him." (not the death of him) Joseph knew, just as I have come to realize, that while it was intended to harm, "God intended it for good..." (Genesis 50:20) and He knew each little detail and exactly how it would all unfold.

The more I think through scripture, I think about Job-- someone who endured such loss and suffering. He could have easily blamed the circumstance on himself or even on God. Its only human nature to start to blame yourself. I surely have done that. Recently-- Today. I was reminded just this evening that I am only responsible for one person- myself. and while I'm not be solely to blame for the pit I find myself getting out of, I have to focus on the fact that I cant blame myself. I cant have that sickening urge of self-blame where Satan starts to play "mind games with [my] conscience so that for the life of [me], [I] can't seem to distinguish between those areas where [I am] guilty and those where [I am] innocent." This is not to say that I have never done anything wrong because I surely have. The question I have forced myself to find the answer to is not "have you done anything wrong?" but "have you done the wrong that fits the pit?" I think it is fair to say, I am still trying to answer that-- I know the answer in my head, but my heart still wants to blame myself in so many of the emotions and feelings. A friend of mine told me just tonight that I have to take ownership of my feelings and emotions because "they are what they are, but the one thing they are not is irrelevant. We experience them for a reason. They communicate something to us either about ourself or others." I am in the process of sorting through my totally relevant feelings to answer the question that will get me even closer to being out of the pit.

Finally, the other realization I have come to this evening is I often care more about what people in this world think than what God thinks. I would rather lose myself to make someone else happy. I would rather be miserable so one person will acknowledge my existence or be my friend. Despite what Galatians 1:10 says, I still often seek the approval of people walking around in this world than the ONE who matters. As a child of the Sovereign King of the universe, I am his daughter--I have come to realize I deserve to be treated as such both by others and, maybe most importantly, by myself. I cant make excuses for other people's actions. I cant hold on to hope of who I wanted someone to be. And I cant be my own worst enemy. A friend of mine and I had a soul searching, deeply personal conversation this evening about life. As always, he was straightforward, totally real, and reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me I am still here, still breathing. God created me in HIS image and since I am still alive, God still has something wonderful planned. I was reminded that God forgave me the first time I confessed my sins and wrong doings... but because of my own emotional baggage, I still carry the guilt of sins that God has long since forgotten. When he left my house, I was listening to music and Jonny Diaz's More Beautiful You came on. The chorus goes "There could never be a more beautiful you. Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do so there could never be a more beautiful you"

I am getting out of the pit... I am close. So Close! I am not going to buy the lies that the world has lead me to believe, I am not going to be tricked by the disguises that I am lead to think are true, and I am not going to jump through the worldly hoops that come from people, relationships and situations. Instead.... My focus is going to be on God and fulfilling the purpose HE has planned for me.

Follow Up to the Healthcare Reform post

The following is a follow-up to a comment that was made on the last post. and these are just thoughts and opinions of a girl who falls short of HIS glory daily, but has been saved by his Amazing Grace.

I completely understand and appreciate everyone's right to their own opinion. And, despite my usual conservative beliefs, this is one situation where I fall on the other side of the aisle.

I think this bill is a major step towards a change to our healthcare system that is vital to its success. The excess that has developed in the area is unfathomable and some change has to be made. I think part of the conservative issue lies in the fact that it was a democrat who actually got it to go further than anyone before. The first president to actually try to pass some sort of healthcare reform legislation was President Richard Nixon. Today, if it had been a republican of his stature and tenure trying to pass new healthcare legislation, I have no doubt that that the uproar would have been much less, especially from the conservative right.

As for uninsurable and being able to afford insurance for those who cant get group insurance (through jobs or otherwise), that's a whole nother ball game. While my parents and one of my best friends are deemed uninsurable because of their histories with cancer, I am not in that ball park. I have no prexisiting conditions. However, I know personally as some one who has left the security of my parent's insurance and have my own, it is incredibly expensive. My insurance in the year I took off and worked (full time in a good job that I was able to get insurance through but because of their policy of working a certain amount of time before you can get insurance, I had a window where I had to have my own for 9 months) between undergrad and graduate school, I paid $575-$585 dollars a MONTH for health insurance. It was basic insurance, but as a "woman of child bearing years" my premium (and any other young female) were through the roof. And given the state of our economy where finding a job is more and more difficult, that window where you are potentially uninsured (and even unemployed) is growing, meaning a major cost and factor to be taken into consideration, which is too much for many. Even for me as an intern architect starting in the field at a very competitive pay for the market, I would NOT have been able to afford the insurance I was able to find and get if it were not for my parents paying it. Now, once I graduate from graduate school, it is very unlikely that I will find a job in my field, much less with benefits. This healthcare plan could be the difference between me being insured and not. I have plenty of friends who have graduated with me who are uninsured. (since close to 30 of the people who have graduated from Clemson's Master's program in Architecture in the past two years are unemployed) It is very possible that you and many of your friends and fellow graduates this year will be in the same boat-- fully prepared and qualified, educated, and ready to work but no jobs that can or will hire you.

I would agree that the bipartisanship has been a complete joke on this issue and most issues because the focus has been on what the republican party wants or what the democratic party wants, NOT on what the people want. However, I think that when Americans vote in elections, we are doing one of the most American and most patriotic duties most Americans have. I also think it is fair to say that "We The People" spoke in November when Obama was elected and the democrats gained control on Capitol Hill. The people you and I voted for may or may not have won their elections, but the people of the US spoke, and in this case, the majority of the people who took the time to do their civic duty to vote, elected officials who the conservative right-wing do not agree with. (and its the same thing the democrats felt for the 8 years prior under Bush's presidency.) In that same vein, Elections have consequences... they have to be taken seriously and votes must be cast. Healthcare reform was a platform for many of the candidates campaigns in the last election cycle. People knew it was coming down the pipe and they still voted for them in majority and that is all that our country stands for. Giving people the rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. The majority used their liberty to vote as they see fit for the person they thought would do the best job. That's the America we can celebrate- the one where each and everyone of us can have a differing opinion, religion, voting preference, etc. To say "7 vote difference...that's all it took to destroy everything this country stands for" is a very sad statement and I would go far as to say wrong thing when all that happened yesterday was the American Government doing what it was designed to... it was the US people voting for a president, vice president, senate and house members who they felt would do the best job, and then those government officials moving forward and doing what is believed to be best for the country. Like I said before, I do not know enough about any of this legislation to know whether or not I support the bill or not. I do know, though, that this is a needed first step towards a system that will truly help many, many people in our country. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie The American President, but this whole healthcare debate both here and on facebook... and across the board reminds me of a quote from that movie. In the movie, the President of the US is giving a speech countering the man who is running against him in his re-election campaign. The president says in his speech "America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free"." I would say that's exactly what is happening in this debate and in the passing of this legislation-- one side is claiming something that makes the other side's blood boil while they are advocating for the opposite. That is exactly what our country is founded and and is ALL that our country stands for- a country where "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," and when combined with the civil rights that we all benefit from, it seems that all that our country stands for (maybe not what you would chose) were carried out yesterday through the passing of the healthcare legislation.

As for the whole Christian debate-- Name calling and the things that are said from one side of the aisle to the other are ridiculous and inappropriate. Much if it is just to stir the pot with little or no power behind it and is not something that you or any other Christian would if say Jesus was standing right next to you. Another of my issues with the Christian right-wing conservatives really lies in the fact that one minute they will preach about their Christian values and then immediately turn around and do or say something that goes completely against their beliefs and all that the Bible says. Its the pot calling the kettle black and a huge reason why so many people think the Christian faith is a joke and full of hypocrites and liars. I also find great frustration in the fact that the Bible makes it very, very clear that we should take care of the orphans, the meek, the poor, the hurting and yet, the conservatives would rather take care of the rich than offer the social services that would help take care of those in need the most. The conservatives want to control abortion, but don't want to provide the social services those children will need. They want to patrol morality through the government instead of showing the love of Christ through their actions and truths. Somehow that all seems backwards. To a certain extent I think that if the body of Christ through HIS church would serve body the way we are called to do (Eph 4:12, 1 Cor 12:12, 1 Corinthians 12:27-28) many of these issues would be irrelevant. BUT since the church (as a whole) does not hold up their end of the deal of the body serving the body... the government has to pick up the social services that the church refuses to take care of.

Last night on twitter, a worship pastor from Atlanta tweeted "Time 2 C how Christian America reacts 2 ths moment. I'm scared 2 read the tweets & blogs 2morrow. Please let me B wrong" right after the vote occurred. An hour later after what I assume were some not-so-nice direct messages and tweets from others, he tweeted "Christians.If U disagree.Disagree LOUDLY!The world is watching.Dnt disagree w/venom.Disagree showin Christ." He says it well.... stand for what you believe in not by venom but by showing Christ.

Healthcare Reform....

So today was a VERY historic day for our country. The healthcare reform legislation passed. I don't claim to know enough to know whether or not I support the legislation that was passed or not. I do however know that something MUST change in our healthcare system... we cant keep up with the way it is heading and moving. Hopefully this legislation will help lead to the best solution for our country and fellow Americans.

However.... Aside from the obvious that most people have opinions, one thing I have really noticed is a strong hatred that seems to have come about from one side of the "aisle" to the other. I also immediately noticed Facebook blowing up with status updates..... everything from "The House just passed health care reform. A long time coming. Better late than never" and "Today I witness change once again. I'm not going to lie, I'm happy. Embrace change instead of complaining. We are finally investing in the most important resource 'We the People'" to the opposite side of "219-212...7 vote difference...that's all it took to destroy everything this country stands for. Welcome to socialist hell, America. I pray that one day I will see the REAL USA once again..."

Like I said before... I don't know enough about the legislation to have a specific opinion one way or the other. (and yes... I have the guts to say I don't. I wish some of my "friends" on Facebook would be willing to admit the same thing)

Anyways. back to the point. There have been several things that have hit me through this whole debate of healthcare reform.

1. Today, my parents and I were sitting in our family room listening to part of the debate. It hit me when my mom said "You know, If it were not for my job and the insurance I get through my job, your dad and I would be deemed "uninsureable" because of pre-existing conditions (specifically... cancer.)" That hit me like a mac truck. My parents are both, for the most part, very healthy. Yes, my Mom HAD cancer... she is now cancer free. and Yes. My dad does still have cancer (though his latest scans and tests have all been clear and clean!) But because of those medical issues, they are uninsurable if it were not for my mom's job. Later this evening I was talking to one of my best friends. She is younger than me (and I am 26) and she has cancer. She is also in that "uninsurable" category. ** My mom added this morning if were not for her state healthcare insurance, she and my dad would either be dead or broke. (especially since that chemo drug-- drug alone... no medical visit nothing else JUST the medicine- my dad took for 12months was $20,000 for the first month and just less than $100,000 for the next 11 months he took it. It saved his life.... but if it were not for insurance, I doubt he could have afforded to take it....)

2. The other thing that has really gotten me about this is the hatred, anger and hostility from one side of the aisle to the other. And I will even go so far as to say, it seems that the ones I have noticed it the most from are the Bible-thumping right-wing conservatives. I am fairly conservative most of the time. But this cry for bipartisanship from the ultra-conservatives who preach about their Christian values and claim that the democrats are not meeting in the middle. But its those ultra conservatives who then turn around and bash, name call, and cast judgement. It is utterly inappropriate and brings a horrible face to the Christian faith.

Rick Warren said it well when he said "Jesus loved everyone equally without agreeing with everyone equally. To only LIKE those u agree with is spiritual immaturity." I personally cant agree more.

I also have to think about Matthew 5:43-44 where it says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Maybe if our focus really was on "We The People" and not the republicans or democrats, right wing or left, we might just have more success.....

**Few little added side notes.... The majority of the status updates were people supporting change... not necessarily supporting the bill itself, but supporting the idea that our healthcare system must change. It is something we, as the United States of America, have been working towards getting since the days of Richard Nixon (yes REPUBLICAN Richard Nixon tried towards social healthcare reform when he was president). Like I said above...this may not be the perfect bill... but it is the first step towards something that will make a positive difference to a huge part of "We the people".

FOUR new posts so dont miss any of them!!!

There are 4 new posts today! Dont miss any of them!!!

Gala honoring Dr. Stephen W. Hefner

SC Bar Foundation Gala

Hope... and a TV show

Answered Prayers