Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Go Downtown Pres



I am so thankful to be serving on the launch team of this new church. It is amazing to see all that God is doing for HIS church even now. He is working in incredible ways and I am so blessed and grateful to get to serve along side a great team of people who are working to make this new church a reality.

Downtown Presbyterian will be launching this fall with preview/reveal services starting in the next month or two. ANYONE who is interested in coming, please please please let me know! We would love to have you come worship with us.

check out our website www.ourdownchurch.org I copied the stuff below from the website.

Downtown Presbyterian will be guided by Scripture, serve the community, following Jesus by eating with, speaking to, and claiming as neighbors the sick, hungry, homeless and lost. We will be regional in scope, gathering people from surrounding neighborhoods and the Greater Columbia area. We want to reflect the diversity of Columbia. We will worship with joy while embracing the richness of ancient spiritual practices and remaining open to modern worship styles. We will welcome all people to worship, learn and serve with us no matter where they are on their spiritual journey.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

When I say I'm a Christian....

"When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say. "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow."

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Recent Quotes

A few more short, but sweet, quotes and tweets I have read recently... and that have me thinking!


When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now- CS lewis



"The only moment we ever have is this one right here & right now... make it count... think, choose, act wisely... don't squander it" - Christine Caine


"You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving." -Perry Noble


"The true expressions of Christian character is not in good-doing, but in God-likeness. God's life in us expresses itself as God's life, not as human life trying to be godly."


" I am 100% confident that He has me right where he wants me. And that His plan for me, albeit incomprehensible at times, is carefully crafted and sure to be full of wondrous surprises." - Lindsay Nobles

Saturday, September 25, 2010

on being High Maintenance and high performance

The past month or so I have been dating a guy who seemed like a keeper but it was not meant to be and we recently went our separate ways. However, I noticed a while back he had on his facebook that one of his favorite quotes was "I don't mind high maintenance as long as its high performance." Given he is a total car person, it seemed like a normal quote... but in light of recent events between us, I started to think about it in a very different context. I started to think about it from the stand point of dating and relationships, an analogy of sorts, and the roles two people play in that context.

I would argue that single women who truly strive to be Godly women are high-performance. If you think about the examples of high-performance vehicles, they are valuable, they are beautiful, functional, and impressive. They are perfectly engineered on the inside under the hood. If you think about the biblical characteristics of a Godly woman, I would say she meets those standards and then is eons past them- greater and more valuable than ANY high-performance vehicle. Just thinking about the fruits of the spirit, she should be loving, joyful, patient, peaceful, kind and full of faith and goodness. If you add on top of those characteristics the characteristics seen in Proverbs 31, you have an incredible woman of integrity, and the verse even goes on to say that she "lacks nothing of value." More than the fact that she lacks nothing of value, her heart was paid for at the highest price possible when the Son of God lived a sinless life and paid the ultimate price for her and every other person on this earth. Her heart belongs to God and from the inside, she is perfectly engineered because she was created by Him and has given her heart to Him.

And maybe Godly women are high-maintenance too. A Godly woman is not going to settle for less than God's immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) when it comes to a man. She is not going to adjust her integrity or her character for some guy just because he is not willing to step up. Maybe high-maintenance means that men have to try a little harder because the Hollywood standard of guys who refuse to be real men and refuse to pursue women the way they are called biblically do is not enough. Maybe it means that a man has to step up and trust God with the hard decisions.

BUT... in that same vein of thinking about high performance and high maintenance- you are not going to let just anyone touch or mess with your high-performance (usually VERY expensive and valuable) vehicle. In the same way, Godly women are not going to (or at least shouldn't) let less than the prepared, taught, and trained man touch them- be it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Too often guys today want to claim the rights of manhood without owning the rights of manhood. Too often guys want to tell women that they are ready and trained and prepared to be the Godly men they are called to be in relationships, but eventually time and experience would say and show other wise. Or, the other experience would be they know what they should do but they let society's ways and methods drag them away from what they know is right and away from the plans God has.

So. Guys.. if you want to have a true, Godly, "high-performance" woman (even if you think she might be high-maintenance) step up, be a man, and run after Jesus because if she is a true "high-performance" woman of God, that's where she is heading. Be real and be honest- but as Perry said so perfectly "... commit to her or quit. Don't play games to inflate your incredibly weak male ego with a woman's heart and soul and mind. She is a daughter of The King and deserves to be treated better. Why don't you step up and commit to her and then see what happens?" If that dating relationship works out, you have found an incredible woman of God. If not, you have learned and gained from the experience and respected the woman and respected God in the process.

And ladies- Wait for the man who realizes your true value and realizes the "high-performance" and worth that comes from dating a true woman of God. Wait for the one who is running after Jesus in the same way you are. Don't settle... even when the world is screaming that you should- DON'T do it because the King is enthralled with our beauty (Psalm 45:11) both inside and out- Let God bring you the perfect man He has created just for you and who realizes your true worth. Don't settle for the junk yard find when God has the BMW or Maserati or Mercedes or the Bentley, or whatever other really nice dream car for planned for you if you will just wait for HIS perfect timing. God makes all things beautiful in his time (Ecc 3:11) and He has "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" in store for us. (Eph. 3:20) It can be a struggle some days (LORD knows how much I struggle some days), but hold tight to the faith that God only wants good for us, He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), so delight yourself in and him and hold tight to the faith because HE WILL PROVIDE in ways we could never expect!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

thinking...

Thinking and trying my hardest ...

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”- James 3:17-18

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Phil 4:4-7


Its a good thing all my hope and all my faith is in Jesus Christ and not someone walking around in this world.


I cant give details at the moment, but prayerfully considering a variety of things at the moment. Will you pray for me?


Sunday, August 8, 2010

Inspiring words in 140 characters or less

I am a social networking person... I have Facebook, I have twitter, I have LinkedIn... You name it I have it. BUT... the one thing I enjoy the most of all of these is Twitter! I love the words of encouragement, inspiration, and faith that various people tweet. The following are some of my favorite tweets from the past few weeks


"We are not "Pro-Life" if we fail to support the foster care system. Caring for the born & neglected is much harder than opposing abortion." -@robbieseay

"Jesus offered thirsty people a drink; most people don't want a speech, they just want a straw" -@BobGoff

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." _ Galatians 5:6b" -@lolly1440

"Joy is a quiet gladness of heart as one contemplates the goodness of God's saving grace in Christ Jesus." John Calvin"- @mattchandler74

"When we live by the power of God rather than our flesh, we don't have to strive for power w/our words. 1 Cor 4:20" -@cory_marie

"still stewing over this @clayton_king quote: "it's not about trying harder, it's about surrendering more." -@mcdzl

"Show up before you speak up. People wanna see you live the gospel before they hear you preach the gospel. Matt 5:11-16" -@mandisaofficial

"Expect the unexpected...dare to venture into the unknown...learn to live magnificently in the tension between here and not there yet..." -@christinecaine

"There are ZERO limitations for the person who is motivated by the WORD of God and filled by the SPIRIT of GOD!!!" -@perrynoble

"You won't ever find a perfect church...perfect worship...a perfect christian..or perfect teaching...you will only ever find a PERFECT GOD" -@christinecaine

"you CANNOT abandon the pursuit of JOY and still accomplish the will of God. - John Piper' -@bcoop

"The "peace that transends understanding" (Phil.4:7) comes from trusting God fully in situations you don't understand." -@rickwarren

"JOY is the result of serving God's purposes, from his perspective, by his power, & for his glory." -@rickwarren

"God specializes in the element of surprise! u never know when or where He will invade the reality of your life with a holy surprise." -@markbatterson

"9 times out of 10, God doesn't want 2 change your circumtances. He wants 2 use your circumstances 2 change you!" -@markbatterson

"To grow a mature faith u must learn to trust that God is working in other's lives even when you disagree with them."-@rickwarren

"The only people who will not give people another chance are the one who fail to realize how many changes Jesus has given them!" -@perrynoble


Saturday, July 31, 2010

Limiting God

So I was recently reminded of an important part of life and even more important part of faith in Jesus Christ. We, as Christians, cant limit the possibilities of God. As Christians we should have God-sized goals that are scary and overwhelming because our God is that big. As Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (Charlotte, NC) said, "If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God."

This aspect of just how big God is plays into dating as well. As a single person I was reminded that I cant limit who God might be trying to bring into my life. Who am I to decide what is best for me when the creator of the universe, who knows every hair on my head and who created my inner most being, created someone far greater than I could every ask for or imagine (including the possibility (and probability) of not being who I would expect). If I cant imagine it or ask for it (Eph 3:20), then how am I to say someone is or is not right for me just based on one aspect or another without truly getting to know someone. I don't deserve anything. What I deserve died with Christ on the cross. But God knows who HE has created for me and what is best for me. I am not shutting any doors or closing any windows before God says to close them. I am not going to put God in a box because if it is a box I can imagine or comprehend, it is far to small for Him and his unfathomable creativity.

The following are a few verses that have really struck a cord with me lately...

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known....." Isaiah 42:16

"For I know the plans I have for you...." Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." Proverbs 3:5


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Oh Sweet Summer Time!

I love the summers... I love the LONG evenings, bright sunshine, family time, celebrations, cook outs, spending time on the lake (or any body of water for that matter) and some what relaxing and slower pace. This summer I have not been up to anything in particular... but I have LOVED every minute of it! Here are some pictures of the fun....


Tubing....


Having fun!.....
Spending time with friends and family on the boat...


Friends having fun tubing...


Intense sunsets... and boats waiting for 4th of July fireworks...

Perfect sunsets at the lake....

Cadie stealing the ball and never giving back....


More beautiful sunsets...


Spending time with family, including the greatest niece in the world...


Seeing TONS of rainbows.... like this one when I went to my parent's house at the very beginning of the summer....


Next up is vacation up at the mountain house! Excited about getting to MUCH cooler weather for a week, spending time with some friends while there, and seeing Baba and Jack who are flying out for a few weeks from Seattle.

I am so blessed....




Thursday, July 1, 2010

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 2)

This is a continuation of the Hollywood Romances post.... if you have not read the first post, go back and read this! That will make this more clear!

So continuing from the previous post....


One of the first things I found to be totally backwards in the majority of today's dating relationships is our first and extreme focus on the physical (and I am not just talking sex). We focus first on the physical so much so, we give ourselves physically to others before there is any commitment and any knowledge of each other emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly, spiritually. In one book, the author calls this type of "lets has a physical relationship before I really know you on the inside" (one where we have more intimate moments in a relationship where both parties are not committed to one side) as being emotionally promiscuous.(Illian, 59) We start with the physical and move towards the deeper knowledge of each other after the fact. It seems we care more about what people look like on the outside than who they are on the inside. And more important than who they are on the side, we seem to have all forgotten to get to know who they are spiritually and their personal relationship with Christ. My personal faith in Jesus Christ is the core of who I am. It is the single most important aspect of my life. However, in my last relationship, I never got to know the guy I was dating spiritually... ever. And he never got to know me spiritually. I let him saying on one of our first dates (in the Rockaways parking lot none the less for those of you in Columbia) something along the lines of "yeah, I raised Baptists and I was baptized in elementary school." I let that one statement be all it took for me to say in my head "yeah he is a Christian so I can date him." Rarely did I see the outward expression of that faith. For the most part, I did not see that faith in the way he talked to me or treated me, and we never once prayed together (not even blessing a meal). Instead, I took the road by saying to myself "he says he is a Christian so that's enough for me." I found out the hard way... that's not remotely enough. No offense (and this is not aimed at one person in particular but just a general comment from something I read recently), but saying you are a Christian makes you a Christian about as much as standing in a garage makes you a car. There is a huge difference between just accepting Christ so He will save you from hell and someone who accepts Christ and is radically changed because of his or her personal and intimate relationship with our Creator. That radical change is seen in actions, thoughts, the things we say, and the way we treat people. That is the critical difference between what I had and what I want. In addition to just the basic (yet incredibly important) aspect of having a spiritual relationship with someone you are dating, a further issue can arise and be seen down the road in later stages of the relationship. Men are called biblically to be the spiritual leaders of their homes and family. If he is not being the spiritual leader in dating, he is not capable of doing it in marriage. As my pastor at church said "Single ladies... if the dude isn't running after Jesus now then he's NOT going to be able to lead your family! (AND... if you are making excuses for him you probably know what you need to do." (He said something similar to this in his actualsermon on Sunday, but he also mentioned it on his blog here.) I can say without a doubt, I knew what I needed to do and felt convicted and God telling me to break off the relationship long before I ever did. Its not easy, but we often have to do things that are not easy in particular when it comes to dating and relationships. (and let me add... if you know you need to end a relationship with someone, do it as soon as possible. Waiting only makes it harder- and I can say that from personal experience!)

Another aspect of relationships that was pointed out in both books I read and that I found was true in my own personal experience was that I was trying to fill a void in my heart that the guy I was dating was never, ever meant to fill. There are certain voids that only God can fill. Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician, physicist, writer, and Catholic philosopher, said it best when he said "There is a God-shaped void in the heart of man which can not be filled by anything except God." Its true. If you are not totally sold out to God and HIS will for your life (including being single or not) and you are not totally content in who you are in HIM, no relationship will ever work or completely satisfy you. Before you or I begin any relationship, we need to be sure we are not trying to find a relationship to fill some void that person was never meant to fill. Get right with God and all of the other things will fall into place. There are seasons where we are meant to be single, even when its the last thing we want. We have to know that God has us in that season for a reason and it will be something exceedingly beautiful in HIS time. (Ecc 3:1-8, 11). Sometimes, even when it is hard, we have be still and know that HE is God and wait for his perfect timing and let HIM fill a void only He can fill. (Psalm 46:10)

One thing that I realized after the fact (funny how hindsight is always 20/20) about my last relationship was that there was an issue of being vulnerable when it came to our hearts. I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I don't think that is the case for most men. I do think there is a difference between recklessly throwing your heart around and carefully putting it out there. In the book Undressed, the author says we have "no resource more precious than our hearts, which is the Holy of Holies, the place where God himself resides." But, as the author goes on to say, love is all about being vulnerable. (from a quote by C.S. Lewis) Unfortunately, being vulnerable and potentially getting a broken heart (even though it will just be temporary) is incredibly important part of any relationship. I love how the author says "If you date, you may get your heart broken. But if you don't, you may find yourself in a far more tragic position- you heart may become unbreakable." (Illian, 29) You have to guard your heart and protect it from unnecessary vulnerability, while carefully putting it out there after a true relationship has been formed. He says "We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships" (Illian 29)

Another hindsight 20/20 thing I discovered was how I was looking for certain characteristics in a partner... but now I see how they were not really biblically based and not really the Godly characteristics I want. I was looking for a good guy who was a Christian but the specific character traits I was looking for were not really important. I love how the Bible tells us quickly in Galatians the kind of characteristics that any potential guy (or girl) we date should exemplify. Straight forward- The Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.) Its important that anyone you date, and especially someone you would consider marrying, have these characteristics. And... not just one of them, but all of them. I love how in a humorous way Jason Illian discusses this- he says "If the person you are dating doesn't exhibit ALL of them, not just one or two-- I mean, who wants a man who is good but has no self control?! --eject immediately!" (Illian, 36) He is so right! But what is more interesting to me is how this amazing author goes on to discuss how the word character goes back to the Greek word meaning"to engrave or carve, as if in stone." Amazing... these character traits should be etched on our hearts.(Illian, 36) I know there are all times were we are not feeling so kind, and we are not feeling so patient... We all are imperfect. BUT these traits should be something we see on a very regular basis in the person we are dating. (and don't forget that not only you are looking for those characteristics, but so are they-- so we each have to exemplify and show these characteristics in our own lives).

More to come later or tomorrow!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 1)

Have you ever had something happen to you or been in a situation where all you can think is "this just cant be right- This just cant be the way its meant to be?" I had one of those experiences back in November/December when it came to the relationship and the guy I was dating. I did not know exactly how to sum up my thoughts but I found a quote recently that pretty much summed up my thoughts and feelings exactly. The author wrote "I think it is fair to say we've been "dissed" when it comes to finding love. There has been disappointment and disillusionment. We feel distance and disbelief. We are discouraged and dissatisfied. Our hearts have been utterly dismantled. We have been fooled into playing a game of musical chairs where the music is Jaws and the chairs are already full." (Illian, 4) For me, It did not take much to decide Hollywood romances don't exist off the big screen and the methods that Hollywood seems to teach our society about how to go about love and dating are useless and backwards. It literally took me one break-up (which I was devastated by at the time but now see SOOO clearly that God has something FAR greater planned) to decide that the "norm" sucks and there must be something better. I knew that God... creator of every living thing on this planet- creative enough to design thousands of species of trees through the amazon forest, to populate the oceans with more critters and fish than any human could comprehend, who placed every single star in the sky by hand, who created every last thing, person, animal and plant in this world and still knows me by name MUST have something unimaginable planned when it comes to dating and relationships. As Illian said in his book "If the Creator of the universe is concerned with every hair on your head- I would argue that He is more than concerned with your personal and romantic relationships." (Illian, 6) I knew that the God who IS love (1 John 4:8) and is the One who created this thing called dating and relationships had to have something to say about the topic. For many, even those of us who have grown up in church, we never really have been taught or educated on the subject. All we know is what we see in movies (and lets face it... Hollywood is not real). To know HIS plan for dating, I just had to take the time to find out what HE has to say. I decided I needed to educate myself and really dig into and figure out exactly what God's plan is. So... after reading several books, talking with friends (both those who have and have not followed God's will in dating and relationships), reading and watching a series blog posts and videos that Priscilla Shirer posted on her blog at Going Beyond Ministries (which not only gave me perspective of what Godly people are thinking, but also the perspective of a large group of women who live both here in the US and around the world) as well as going back and re-watching the series of sermons that my church did as part of a series called "Dont Get Married Until...", I feel like I am fairly educated in what God says about dating and relationships through HIS word. (Though I definitely do not have much "on the job" practice- I am just educated on what HE says through his word.) In addition, yesterday's sermon at church shed a few more details on the topic from the perspective of what Godly men look like (thus what women should look for in men)

So... this series of blog post comes after weeks (and at this point several months) of thought, prayer, reading, and studying. Also- let me preface this by saying I am not talking down about or to ANYONE and none of this is meant to shed a negative light on the guy I was dating. While it is very clear to me (and probably to him too) that our relationship was not meant to be, I certainly learned a lot from it and do not regret the experience. He is not a bad person and I do truly hope he finds happiness and relationship that works for him.

Okay... on with the show (or more appropriately, on with the ramble!!)

As I read one of the books I found on the topic of Godly dating relationships, the author struck a cord with me when he said "We often forget that Christianity isn't just a religion. It isn't just a set of rules or list of dos and don'ts. It is a deep, intimate, personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. Who better to ask about relationships than the One who not only created them but also cultivates and nurtures them to this day?" (Illian, 6) "The God who is love and who created the heavens and the earth has a far greater imagination for what love can be than we do. And it certainly does not involve one-night stands, unreturned phone calls, broken promises, and shattered hearts." (Illian 13) HIS plan and HIS want is for us to "experience a completely fulfilling, blushingly unpredictable, emotionally empowering, and recklessly romantic love that is guided not by laws, but the Lord." (Illian. 13) So in that light, I continued to educate myself over the last few weeks and in that light, I write this series of blog posts.

So let me really start this ramble by saying you can have God and be in a GREAT relationship with Him and still have a great dating/relationship life. In the book Undressed- The Naked Truth about Love, Sex and Dating, the author, Jason Illian, points out a great point early on in the book. He says "Our God isn't an either/or God. He is a God of both/and. He desires for you to have an intimate relationship with Him and a romantic relationship with another. Your heart was not designed to love God one way and your partner another. They are not mutually exclusive, but instead divinely complementary." (Illian, 3) Another author pointed out that we are made to love and be loved- thats just how GOD made each and every one of us.(Ingram, X) With that being said, move forward through this series of blog posts with the idea that love and relationships are meant to be a part of our life when done the way God pans in the same kind of love we have with our Creator.



... more to come later this evening... or tomorrow! (This series of posts were originally one VERY long post. But.. it got TOO long. So now it is a series of blog posts!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Zac Smith

For those who also know me on facebook, you have seen me mention Zac Smith on several occasions. I first heard of this man last fall on twitter when different pastors and church staff members at NewSpring Church (the church I go to when I am at school) tweeted about him. I have followed his story for months, praying for him and finding his story was greatly impacting my life, my personal relationship with Christ, my daily walk with the Lord, as well as my relationships here on this earth. His story became something I saw first hand about 12 weeks ago. They played this video in church.

It rocked my world. First, because of his young age (32 at the time of diagnosis), and also because as a child of a parents with cancer, I have seen its struggles but also seen how it can radically change the person I am in my faith. In the video, Zac talks about how God's plan for him, despite cancer, was going to be something special. In the video, again shown in February 2010 at church, he says "the bible says in Matt 7:11 'God gives good things to those who ask' God cannot give me a bad gift." He even goes so far as to say cancer is the best thing that happened to him because it positively changed the way he lives his life. He says in the video his hope was that God would heal him. Finally he says "if God chooses to heal me, God is God and God is Good. If God chooses not to heal me, then God is still God and God is still good. To God be the glory."

On Sunday, May 16th, Zac Smith met Jesus face to face. He was healed-- relieved of all the pain and suffering. It breaks my heart for his wife Mandy and their three children. But I am certain he is rejoicing for being with his savior.

Today they posted his memorial service. For whatever reason, it wont let me embed the video, but you can go here and watch it. http://www.newspring.cc/zacsmith

I hope and pray that I can live a life of faith as he did. I pray that at the end, I will have fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.


Friday, March 26, 2010

Pits, Joseph and Job.

I have learned that Christian life isn't one of sinning less (as we all fall short of His glory) and it's especially not one spent trading visible sins for those easier to hide. It's a life spent everyday exposing more fully the depth of our sin so that we may know the depth of the Christ's love. (adapted from something my friend Jonathan said to me once) I think about the fact that in 2 Corinthians 12:9, it is made very clear that His power is made perfect in my weakness... ("But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.") Let me reiterate-- HIS power MY weakness. I fall short of his glory... every single day of my life. I am nothing without Him. and when I turn from Him or make Him something other than my top priority, things fall apart. I am nothing more than a "pauper to God's scandalous grace."

Early last fall it is safe to say that I started to find myself in a pit. At first it was a pit of my own making from not seeking Him and then was dug deeper by my own sins and bad choices and made worse by another person. Someone vs. a something can make a pit a very complicated, emotional, and spiritual battle. Biblically, a pit can be seen in several different lights as the result of several different things (Genesis and the pit Joseph was thrown into by his brothers, the pit in Job where Job struggled with blame, in Psalms where we are pulled out of a pit by God to stand on firm ground.) The pit I was in at that point was not something I realized I had even started to fall into. All summer I had for the first time in a very long time finally felt real, amazing spiritual growth and was loving every second of life. But then... fall came around, my studio work was beyond stressful, my quiet times became non-existent, my spiritual growth had plateaued and by October I had let a new relationship take priority over my own personal walk and relationship with God. That was not any fault of anyone but my own. Past experience told me even then that when times are stressful and free time short, that is the time that I most need to spend with the Lord. I didn't. At that point I did not realize that I was beginning my quick decent into a pit, but I was. Until recently it is fair to say that I did not realize the full scope of the pit I was existing in or how the pit changed from October to now. I am a good actress... I can act completely happy while inside I am not. I can say the right things, do the right things, and have everyone (including myself at times) fooled. By January and even more so the past few weeks the pit really started to be complicated by new pit-causing problems and my sinking in the pit was more rapid. It had taken a huge emotional and spiritual toll. While the grudges and anger I carried felt like I was getting back at and even with the things and people who hurt me, the reality was that me "jabbing [my] fingers into the guilty one's chest" was really only "jabbing more holes in [my] pit walls and throwing that much more dirt on [my] feet." Satan is cleaver in how he works. "He is a master of using our own insecurity against us. He knows that deep in our hearts we're so fragile and injured by life..." Isaiah 42:22 says that pits are places where we feel stuck and trapped. Psalm 40 tells us pits are not nice places to be and describes them specifically as slimy, muddy, and miry. Its a place where, unless specific action is taken, we sink deeper and deeper (Psalm 69:2) A pit is often a situation where "without windows we're convinced we have nowhere else to go..." and is "so poorly lit we can no longer see things that may have been obvious to us." We can try to make them more manageable and better looking... but in the end, its still a pit and "as soon as the rain comes, it all gets soiled" as every pit has a dirt floor. We need to look up... that's our only hope but "we're often too focused on our sinking feet to crane our necks to the blinding sky." I have finally stopped focusing on my sinking feet. Finally seen what my friends and family saw in December. Finally let go of hope in people and put all my hope in the Lord. I finally have given total and true forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I felt like forgiving was weakness. Beth Moore said something that totally shook me and was my break through too. She said:

"My breakthrough came when I realized that nothing took more divine power than forgiveness, and therefore nothing was more powerful than forgiving. You will never use your own volition-- the force of your will-- more dramatically than when you agree with God to start forgiving. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It's about willing. No stronger force exists. Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ, by His own submission, nailed to that cross. He could have taken Himself down in a split second. He could have called upon every arch-angle in the heavens, armed and ready. Had He said the word, the seas would have swallowed the earth in one gulp. Forgiveness is not passivity... it is power... Nothing demands more elbow grease than thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance."

She is right. It is power. It is the first powerful step to get out of the pit. Its the first powerful step to move forward. It is a critical step that is one of the hardest things to do because you have to forgive someone (in my case someone I deeply cared about) for something they may or may not even know hurt (and may or may not care one way or the other that what they did hurt). I have to think about the story of Joseph in Genesis 37:23-25. Joseph is thrown into a pit by his brothers-- his own flesh and blood, and they could have cared less that they did it and even sat there listening to him while they ate a meal. It says "When Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped off his robe, the robe of many colors that he had on. They then took him and threw him into the pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it. Then they sat down to eat a meal..." Through the course of scripture we find out that not only did Joseph not to toss blame or get angry (against his own brothers who wrongly tossed him into a pit). Instead he opted to "view God as entirely sovereign and ... was the life of him." (not the death of him) Joseph knew, just as I have come to realize, that while it was intended to harm, "God intended it for good..." (Genesis 50:20) and He knew each little detail and exactly how it would all unfold.

The more I think through scripture, I think about Job-- someone who endured such loss and suffering. He could have easily blamed the circumstance on himself or even on God. Its only human nature to start to blame yourself. I surely have done that. Recently-- Today. I was reminded just this evening that I am only responsible for one person- myself. and while I'm not be solely to blame for the pit I find myself getting out of, I have to focus on the fact that I cant blame myself. I cant have that sickening urge of self-blame where Satan starts to play "mind games with [my] conscience so that for the life of [me], [I] can't seem to distinguish between those areas where [I am] guilty and those where [I am] innocent." This is not to say that I have never done anything wrong because I surely have. The question I have forced myself to find the answer to is not "have you done anything wrong?" but "have you done the wrong that fits the pit?" I think it is fair to say, I am still trying to answer that-- I know the answer in my head, but my heart still wants to blame myself in so many of the emotions and feelings. A friend of mine told me just tonight that I have to take ownership of my feelings and emotions because "they are what they are, but the one thing they are not is irrelevant. We experience them for a reason. They communicate something to us either about ourself or others." I am in the process of sorting through my totally relevant feelings to answer the question that will get me even closer to being out of the pit.

Finally, the other realization I have come to this evening is I often care more about what people in this world think than what God thinks. I would rather lose myself to make someone else happy. I would rather be miserable so one person will acknowledge my existence or be my friend. Despite what Galatians 1:10 says, I still often seek the approval of people walking around in this world than the ONE who matters. As a child of the Sovereign King of the universe, I am his daughter--I have come to realize I deserve to be treated as such both by others and, maybe most importantly, by myself. I cant make excuses for other people's actions. I cant hold on to hope of who I wanted someone to be. And I cant be my own worst enemy. A friend of mine and I had a soul searching, deeply personal conversation this evening about life. As always, he was straightforward, totally real, and reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me I am still here, still breathing. God created me in HIS image and since I am still alive, God still has something wonderful planned. I was reminded that God forgave me the first time I confessed my sins and wrong doings... but because of my own emotional baggage, I still carry the guilt of sins that God has long since forgotten. When he left my house, I was listening to music and Jonny Diaz's More Beautiful You came on. The chorus goes "There could never be a more beautiful you. Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do so there could never be a more beautiful you"

I am getting out of the pit... I am close. So Close! I am not going to buy the lies that the world has lead me to believe, I am not going to be tricked by the disguises that I am lead to think are true, and I am not going to jump through the worldly hoops that come from people, relationships and situations. Instead.... My focus is going to be on God and fulfilling the purpose HE has planned for me.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Follow Up to the Healthcare Reform post

The following is a follow-up to a comment that was made on the last post. and these are just thoughts and opinions of a girl who falls short of HIS glory daily, but has been saved by his Amazing Grace.

I completely understand and appreciate everyone's right to their own opinion. And, despite my usual conservative beliefs, this is one situation where I fall on the other side of the aisle.

I think this bill is a major step towards a change to our healthcare system that is vital to its success. The excess that has developed in the area is unfathomable and some change has to be made. I think part of the conservative issue lies in the fact that it was a democrat who actually got it to go further than anyone before. The first president to actually try to pass some sort of healthcare reform legislation was President Richard Nixon. Today, if it had been a republican of his stature and tenure trying to pass new healthcare legislation, I have no doubt that that the uproar would have been much less, especially from the conservative right.

As for uninsurable and being able to afford insurance for those who cant get group insurance (through jobs or otherwise), that's a whole nother ball game. While my parents and one of my best friends are deemed uninsurable because of their histories with cancer, I am not in that ball park. I have no prexisiting conditions. However, I know personally as some one who has left the security of my parent's insurance and have my own, it is incredibly expensive. My insurance in the year I took off and worked (full time in a good job that I was able to get insurance through but because of their policy of working a certain amount of time before you can get insurance, I had a window where I had to have my own for 9 months) between undergrad and graduate school, I paid $575-$585 dollars a MONTH for health insurance. It was basic insurance, but as a "woman of child bearing years" my premium (and any other young female) were through the roof. And given the state of our economy where finding a job is more and more difficult, that window where you are potentially uninsured (and even unemployed) is growing, meaning a major cost and factor to be taken into consideration, which is too much for many. Even for me as an intern architect starting in the field at a very competitive pay for the market, I would NOT have been able to afford the insurance I was able to find and get if it were not for my parents paying it. Now, once I graduate from graduate school, it is very unlikely that I will find a job in my field, much less with benefits. This healthcare plan could be the difference between me being insured and not. I have plenty of friends who have graduated with me who are uninsured. (since close to 30 of the people who have graduated from Clemson's Master's program in Architecture in the past two years are unemployed) It is very possible that you and many of your friends and fellow graduates this year will be in the same boat-- fully prepared and qualified, educated, and ready to work but no jobs that can or will hire you.

I would agree that the bipartisanship has been a complete joke on this issue and most issues because the focus has been on what the republican party wants or what the democratic party wants, NOT on what the people want. However, I think that when Americans vote in elections, we are doing one of the most American and most patriotic duties most Americans have. I also think it is fair to say that "We The People" spoke in November when Obama was elected and the democrats gained control on Capitol Hill. The people you and I voted for may or may not have won their elections, but the people of the US spoke, and in this case, the majority of the people who took the time to do their civic duty to vote, elected officials who the conservative right-wing do not agree with. (and its the same thing the democrats felt for the 8 years prior under Bush's presidency.) In that same vein, Elections have consequences... they have to be taken seriously and votes must be cast. Healthcare reform was a platform for many of the candidates campaigns in the last election cycle. People knew it was coming down the pipe and they still voted for them in majority and that is all that our country stands for. Giving people the rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. The majority used their liberty to vote as they see fit for the person they thought would do the best job. That's the America we can celebrate- the one where each and everyone of us can have a differing opinion, religion, voting preference, etc. To say "7 vote difference...that's all it took to destroy everything this country stands for" is a very sad statement and I would go far as to say wrong thing when all that happened yesterday was the American Government doing what it was designed to... it was the US people voting for a president, vice president, senate and house members who they felt would do the best job, and then those government officials moving forward and doing what is believed to be best for the country. Like I said before, I do not know enough about any of this legislation to know whether or not I support the bill or not. I do know, though, that this is a needed first step towards a system that will truly help many, many people in our country. I don't know if you have ever seen the movie The American President, but this whole healthcare debate both here and on facebook... and across the board reminds me of a quote from that movie. In the movie, the President of the US is giving a speech countering the man who is running against him in his re-election campaign. The president says in his speech "America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free"." I would say that's exactly what is happening in this debate and in the passing of this legislation-- one side is claiming something that makes the other side's blood boil while they are advocating for the opposite. That is exactly what our country is founded and and is ALL that our country stands for- a country where "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," and when combined with the civil rights that we all benefit from, it seems that all that our country stands for (maybe not what you would chose) were carried out yesterday through the passing of the healthcare legislation.

As for the whole Christian debate-- Name calling and the things that are said from one side of the aisle to the other are ridiculous and inappropriate. Much if it is just to stir the pot with little or no power behind it and is not something that you or any other Christian would if say Jesus was standing right next to you. Another of my issues with the Christian right-wing conservatives really lies in the fact that one minute they will preach about their Christian values and then immediately turn around and do or say something that goes completely against their beliefs and all that the Bible says. Its the pot calling the kettle black and a huge reason why so many people think the Christian faith is a joke and full of hypocrites and liars. I also find great frustration in the fact that the Bible makes it very, very clear that we should take care of the orphans, the meek, the poor, the hurting and yet, the conservatives would rather take care of the rich than offer the social services that would help take care of those in need the most. The conservatives want to control abortion, but don't want to provide the social services those children will need. They want to patrol morality through the government instead of showing the love of Christ through their actions and truths. Somehow that all seems backwards. To a certain extent I think that if the body of Christ through HIS church would serve body the way we are called to do (Eph 4:12, 1 Cor 12:12, 1 Corinthians 12:27-28) many of these issues would be irrelevant. BUT since the church (as a whole) does not hold up their end of the deal of the body serving the body... the government has to pick up the social services that the church refuses to take care of.

Last night on twitter, a worship pastor from Atlanta tweeted "Time 2 C how Christian America reacts 2 ths moment. I'm scared 2 read the tweets & blogs 2morrow. Please let me B wrong" right after the vote occurred. An hour later after what I assume were some not-so-nice direct messages and tweets from others, he tweeted "Christians.If U disagree.Disagree LOUDLY!The world is watching.Dnt disagree w/venom.Disagree showin Christ." He says it well.... stand for what you believe in not by venom but by showing Christ.