on being High Maintenance and high performance

The past month or so I have been dating a guy who seemed like a keeper but it was not meant to be and we recently went our separate ways. However, I noticed a while back he had on his facebook that one of his favorite quotes was "I don't mind high maintenance as long as its high performance." Given he is a total car person, it seemed like a normal quote... but in light of recent events between us, I started to think about it in a very different context. I started to think about it from the stand point of dating and relationships, an analogy of sorts, and the roles two people play in that context.

I would argue that single women who truly strive to be Godly women are high-performance. If you think about the examples of high-performance vehicles, they are valuable, they are beautiful, functional, and impressive. They are perfectly engineered on the inside under the hood. If you think about the biblical characteristics of a Godly woman, I would say she meets those standards and then is eons past them- greater and more valuable than ANY high-performance vehicle. Just thinking about the fruits of the spirit, she should be loving, joyful, patient, peaceful, kind and full of faith and goodness. If you add on top of those characteristics the characteristics seen in Proverbs 31, you have an incredible woman of integrity, and the verse even goes on to say that she "lacks nothing of value." More than the fact that she lacks nothing of value, her heart was paid for at the highest price possible when the Son of God lived a sinless life and paid the ultimate price for her and every other person on this earth. Her heart belongs to God and from the inside, she is perfectly engineered because she was created by Him and has given her heart to Him.

And maybe Godly women are high-maintenance too. A Godly woman is not going to settle for less than God's immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) when it comes to a man. She is not going to adjust her integrity or her character for some guy just because he is not willing to step up. Maybe high-maintenance means that men have to try a little harder because the Hollywood standard of guys who refuse to be real men and refuse to pursue women the way they are called biblically do is not enough. Maybe it means that a man has to step up and trust God with the hard decisions.

BUT... in that same vein of thinking about high performance and high maintenance- you are not going to let just anyone touch or mess with your high-performance (usually VERY expensive and valuable) vehicle. In the same way, Godly women are not going to (or at least shouldn't) let less than the prepared, taught, and trained man touch them- be it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Too often guys today want to claim the rights of manhood without owning the rights of manhood. Too often guys want to tell women that they are ready and trained and prepared to be the Godly men they are called to be in relationships, but eventually time and experience would say and show other wise. Or, the other experience would be they know what they should do but they let society's ways and methods drag them away from what they know is right and away from the plans God has.

So. Guys.. if you want to have a true, Godly, "high-performance" woman (even if you think she might be high-maintenance) step up, be a man, and run after Jesus because if she is a true "high-performance" woman of God, that's where she is heading. Be real and be honest- but as Perry said so perfectly "... commit to her or quit. Don't play games to inflate your incredibly weak male ego with a woman's heart and soul and mind. She is a daughter of The King and deserves to be treated better. Why don't you step up and commit to her and then see what happens?" If that dating relationship works out, you have found an incredible woman of God. If not, you have learned and gained from the experience and respected the woman and respected God in the process.

And ladies- Wait for the man who realizes your true value and realizes the "high-performance" and worth that comes from dating a true woman of God. Wait for the one who is running after Jesus in the same way you are. Don't settle... even when the world is screaming that you should- DON'T do it because the King is enthralled with our beauty (Psalm 45:11) both inside and out- Let God bring you the perfect man He has created just for you and who realizes your true worth. Don't settle for the junk yard find when God has the BMW or Maserati or Mercedes or the Bentley, or whatever other really nice dream car for planned for you if you will just wait for HIS perfect timing. God makes all things beautiful in his time (Ecc 3:11) and He has "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" in store for us. (Eph. 3:20) It can be a struggle some days (LORD knows how much I struggle some days), but hold tight to the faith that God only wants good for us, He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), so delight yourself in and him and hold tight to the faith because HE WILL PROVIDE in ways we could never expect!

Inspiring words in 140 characters or less

I am a social networking person... I have Facebook, I have twitter, I have LinkedIn... You name it I have it. BUT... the one thing I enjoy the most of all of these is Twitter! I love the words of encouragement, inspiration, and faith that various people tweet. The following are some of my favorite tweets from the past few weeks

"We are not "Pro-Life" if we fail to support the foster care system. Caring for the born & neglected is much harder than opposing abortion." -@robbieseay

"Jesus offered thirsty people a drink; most people don't want a speech, they just want a straw" -@BobGoff

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." _ Galatians 5:6b" -@lolly1440

"Joy is a quiet gladness of heart as one contemplates the goodness of God's saving grace in Christ Jesus." John Calvin"- @mattchandler74

"When we live by the power of God rather than our flesh, we don't have to strive for power w/our words. 1 Cor 4:20" -@cory_marie

"still stewing over this @clayton_king quote: "it's not about trying harder, it's about surrendering more." -@mcdzl

"Show up before you speak up. People wanna see you live the gospel before they hear you preach the gospel. Matt 5:11-16" -@mandisaofficial

"Expect the unexpected...dare to venture into the unknown...learn to live magnificently in the tension between here and not there yet..." -@christinecaine

"There are ZERO limitations for the person who is motivated by the WORD of God and filled by the SPIRIT of GOD!!!" -@perrynoble

"You won't ever find a perfect church...perfect worship...a perfect christian..or perfect teaching...you will only ever find a PERFECT GOD" -@christinecaine

"you CANNOT abandon the pursuit of JOY and still accomplish the will of God. - John Piper' -@bcoop

"The "peace that transends understanding" (Phil.4:7) comes from trusting God fully in situations you don't understand." -@rickwarren

"JOY is the result of serving God's purposes, from his perspective, by his power, & for his glory." -@rickwarren

"God specializes in the element of surprise! u never know when or where He will invade the reality of your life with a holy surprise." -@markbatterson

"9 times out of 10, God doesn't want 2 change your circumtances. He wants 2 use your circumstances 2 change you!" -@markbatterson

"To grow a mature faith u must learn to trust that God is working in other's lives even when you disagree with them."-@rickwarren

"The only people who will not give people another chance are the one who fail to realize how many changes Jesus has given them!" -@perrynoble

Limiting God

So I was recently reminded of an important part of life and even more important part of faith in Jesus Christ. We, as Christians, cant limit the possibilities of God. As Christians we should have God-sized goals that are scary and overwhelming because our God is that big. As Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (Charlotte, NC) said, "If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God."

This aspect of just how big God is plays into dating as well. As a single person I was reminded that I cant limit who God might be trying to bring into my life. Who am I to decide what is best for me when the creator of the universe, who knows every hair on my head and who created my inner most being, created someone far greater than I could every ask for or imagine (including the possibility (and probability) of not being who I would expect). If I cant imagine it or ask for it (Eph 3:20), then how am I to say someone is or is not right for me just based on one aspect or another without truly getting to know someone. I don't deserve anything. What I deserve died with Christ on the cross. But God knows who HE has created for me and what is best for me. I am not shutting any doors or closing any windows before God says to close them. I am not going to put God in a box because if it is a box I can imagine or comprehend, it is far to small for Him and his unfathomable creativity.

The following are a few verses that have really struck a cord with me lately...

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known....." Isaiah 42:16

"For I know the plans I have for you...." Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." Proverbs 3:5

Pits, Joseph and Job.

I have learned that Christian life isn't one of sinning less (as we all fall short of His glory) and it's especially not one spent trading visible sins for those easier to hide. It's a life spent everyday exposing more fully the depth of our sin so that we may know the depth of the Christ's love. (adapted from something my friend Jonathan said to me once) I think about the fact that in 2 Corinthians 12:9, it is made very clear that His power is made perfect in my weakness... ("But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.") Let me reiterate-- HIS power MY weakness. I fall short of his glory... every single day of my life. I am nothing without Him. and when I turn from Him or make Him something other than my top priority, things fall apart. I am nothing more than a "pauper to God's scandalous grace."

Early last fall it is safe to say that I started to find myself in a pit. At first it was a pit of my own making from not seeking Him and then was dug deeper by my own sins and bad choices and made worse by another person. Someone vs. a something can make a pit a very complicated, emotional, and spiritual battle. Biblically, a pit can be seen in several different lights as the result of several different things (Genesis and the pit Joseph was thrown into by his brothers, the pit in Job where Job struggled with blame, in Psalms where we are pulled out of a pit by God to stand on firm ground.) The pit I was in at that point was not something I realized I had even started to fall into. All summer I had for the first time in a very long time finally felt real, amazing spiritual growth and was loving every second of life. But then... fall came around, my studio work was beyond stressful, my quiet times became non-existent, my spiritual growth had plateaued and by October I had let a new relationship take priority over my own personal walk and relationship with God. That was not any fault of anyone but my own. Past experience told me even then that when times are stressful and free time short, that is the time that I most need to spend with the Lord. I didn't. At that point I did not realize that I was beginning my quick decent into a pit, but I was. Until recently it is fair to say that I did not realize the full scope of the pit I was existing in or how the pit changed from October to now. I am a good actress... I can act completely happy while inside I am not. I can say the right things, do the right things, and have everyone (including myself at times) fooled. By January and even more so the past few weeks the pit really started to be complicated by new pit-causing problems and my sinking in the pit was more rapid. It had taken a huge emotional and spiritual toll. While the grudges and anger I carried felt like I was getting back at and even with the things and people who hurt me, the reality was that me "jabbing [my] fingers into the guilty one's chest" was really only "jabbing more holes in [my] pit walls and throwing that much more dirt on [my] feet." Satan is cleaver in how he works. "He is a master of using our own insecurity against us. He knows that deep in our hearts we're so fragile and injured by life..." Isaiah 42:22 says that pits are places where we feel stuck and trapped. Psalm 40 tells us pits are not nice places to be and describes them specifically as slimy, muddy, and miry. Its a place where, unless specific action is taken, we sink deeper and deeper (Psalm 69:2) A pit is often a situation where "without windows we're convinced we have nowhere else to go..." and is "so poorly lit we can no longer see things that may have been obvious to us." We can try to make them more manageable and better looking... but in the end, its still a pit and "as soon as the rain comes, it all gets soiled" as every pit has a dirt floor. We need to look up... that's our only hope but "we're often too focused on our sinking feet to crane our necks to the blinding sky." I have finally stopped focusing on my sinking feet. Finally seen what my friends and family saw in December. Finally let go of hope in people and put all my hope in the Lord. I finally have given total and true forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I felt like forgiving was weakness. Beth Moore said something that totally shook me and was my break through too. She said:

"My breakthrough came when I realized that nothing took more divine power than forgiveness, and therefore nothing was more powerful than forgiving. You will never use your own volition-- the force of your will-- more dramatically than when you agree with God to start forgiving. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It's about willing. No stronger force exists. Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ, by His own submission, nailed to that cross. He could have taken Himself down in a split second. He could have called upon every arch-angle in the heavens, armed and ready. Had He said the word, the seas would have swallowed the earth in one gulp. Forgiveness is not passivity... it is power... Nothing demands more elbow grease than thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance."

She is right. It is power. It is the first powerful step to get out of the pit. Its the first powerful step to move forward. It is a critical step that is one of the hardest things to do because you have to forgive someone (in my case someone I deeply cared about) for something they may or may not even know hurt (and may or may not care one way or the other that what they did hurt). I have to think about the story of Joseph in Genesis 37:23-25. Joseph is thrown into a pit by his brothers-- his own flesh and blood, and they could have cared less that they did it and even sat there listening to him while they ate a meal. It says "When Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped off his robe, the robe of many colors that he had on. They then took him and threw him into the pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it. Then they sat down to eat a meal..." Through the course of scripture we find out that not only did Joseph not to toss blame or get angry (against his own brothers who wrongly tossed him into a pit). Instead he opted to "view God as entirely sovereign and ... was the life of him." (not the death of him) Joseph knew, just as I have come to realize, that while it was intended to harm, "God intended it for good..." (Genesis 50:20) and He knew each little detail and exactly how it would all unfold.

The more I think through scripture, I think about Job-- someone who endured such loss and suffering. He could have easily blamed the circumstance on himself or even on God. Its only human nature to start to blame yourself. I surely have done that. Recently-- Today. I was reminded just this evening that I am only responsible for one person- myself. and while I'm not be solely to blame for the pit I find myself getting out of, I have to focus on the fact that I cant blame myself. I cant have that sickening urge of self-blame where Satan starts to play "mind games with [my] conscience so that for the life of [me], [I] can't seem to distinguish between those areas where [I am] guilty and those where [I am] innocent." This is not to say that I have never done anything wrong because I surely have. The question I have forced myself to find the answer to is not "have you done anything wrong?" but "have you done the wrong that fits the pit?" I think it is fair to say, I am still trying to answer that-- I know the answer in my head, but my heart still wants to blame myself in so many of the emotions and feelings. A friend of mine told me just tonight that I have to take ownership of my feelings and emotions because "they are what they are, but the one thing they are not is irrelevant. We experience them for a reason. They communicate something to us either about ourself or others." I am in the process of sorting through my totally relevant feelings to answer the question that will get me even closer to being out of the pit.

Finally, the other realization I have come to this evening is I often care more about what people in this world think than what God thinks. I would rather lose myself to make someone else happy. I would rather be miserable so one person will acknowledge my existence or be my friend. Despite what Galatians 1:10 says, I still often seek the approval of people walking around in this world than the ONE who matters. As a child of the Sovereign King of the universe, I am his daughter--I have come to realize I deserve to be treated as such both by others and, maybe most importantly, by myself. I cant make excuses for other people's actions. I cant hold on to hope of who I wanted someone to be. And I cant be my own worst enemy. A friend of mine and I had a soul searching, deeply personal conversation this evening about life. As always, he was straightforward, totally real, and reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me I am still here, still breathing. God created me in HIS image and since I am still alive, God still has something wonderful planned. I was reminded that God forgave me the first time I confessed my sins and wrong doings... but because of my own emotional baggage, I still carry the guilt of sins that God has long since forgotten. When he left my house, I was listening to music and Jonny Diaz's More Beautiful You came on. The chorus goes "There could never be a more beautiful you. Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do so there could never be a more beautiful you"

I am getting out of the pit... I am close. So Close! I am not going to buy the lies that the world has lead me to believe, I am not going to be tricked by the disguises that I am lead to think are true, and I am not going to jump through the worldly hoops that come from people, relationships and situations. Instead.... My focus is going to be on God and fulfilling the purpose HE has planned for me.

Lessons learned.... singledom and relationships....

The past 5-6 week have been very different than I thought the first month of 2010 would be. BUT.... I feel like I have learned so much about myself, people in my life, and most importantly my faith, that I don't think I would change it if I could. I ended 2009 and started the first week of 2010 very happily in a relationship with a I guy I thought was different and special. He was my first real relationship and I will admit that I fell for him more than any other guy before. Well... one thing led to another and we are no longer together. I had hoped to remain friends and that may or may not happen... but none the less, it was a good learning experience and something fun, even if it only lasted a short time.


The following are some lessons learned from the past few weeks that over the course of many conversations several of my friends have said I should blog about.....

1.Single, dating, or married, your top priority and focus has to remain your faith and your personal relationship with Christ. Its a mistake I am most definitely guilty of... I let things and people distract me from staying focused on Christ and living my faith fully. No relationship will be totally successful without a focus on Christ.

2. If you cant be totally content with yourself being single, there is no way you can be content in a relationship. If something about singledom causes stress, anxiety, etc, there are probably some bridges that need to be crossed between you and Christ. Only once those bridges are crossed (between YOU and GOD) can you be content in a relationship. I am not saying that it is an easy thing to do or accept. I struggle daily with it. HOWEVER, I know that despite this season of life that I wish was different, I know God has me where I am for a reason that only He can make clear.

3. Be totally honest and real with yourself and the person you are in a relationship with! For me, the first half of the relationship was perfect.... he pursued me, made me feel special, he called, texted, and emailed me regularly (and without prompting) and I thought it was everything I wanted. But when things started to changed, I sort of tricked myself into thinking and even saying that it was still great and even incredible. That did nothing for me (as I was lying to myself....) and did nothing for him (because I was not being real or honest with him either...). I found a quote that said "when you don't tell people what you really think, you are not being kind. People cannot change and grow if all they get are insincere niceties." I am by no means saying be mean or cruel. I am saying that two mature people in a romantic relationship can say things in such a way that while it may not be exactly what the other wants to hear and may cause some initial pain, it is a necessary openness and an act of truly caring that is totally necessary! It is so critical to be totally real and honest with one another at any point in a relationship but seems to be even more critical in a new relationship where two people are really trying to get to know each other. I will say I know this is hard... I struggle with saying things to people that I greatly care about face to face and would often text or email my concerns when I should have called or talked to him face to face about it. In the future I will be sure to be totally real and honest and will do everything in my power that those hard and potentially emotional conversations are done face to face.

4. Do NOT settle! Since God can do immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) and there is no reason any of us should ever settle. This is particularly true in a relationship. In his perfect timing, HE will bring whoever He has created specifically for you into your life! (isn't it amazing that walking around somewhere in this world is the person God -- creater of ALL things-- has someone who HE created in HIS image just for each one of us!) And that person will be more than you or I can ever hope, dream, or expect! Until that person comes into your life, do not settle for Mr or Miss RightNow when He has Mr. or Miss Perfect in store! Its hard being patient, but I know for a fact it will be worth being patient for!!!

5. Don't make someone your priority if you are only their option.

6. Pray. Pray. and Pray some more. Pray for the relationship you are in and that you are following His will and for His guidance. And if you are single, pray for the unknown person that God has planned for you. Pray that who ever that person is is growing in Him, pray that his/her heart is being prepared to be joined to yours. Pray that you are being prepared to be the girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband He has created you to be.

7. Have no regrets. You live and you learn. Pray and ask for forgivness when needed. Learn from the experience. as they say... Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow.

Say....

"Have no fear for giving in, have no fear for giving over. You'd better know that in the end, its better to say too much then never say what you need to say again. Even if you hands are shaking, and your faith is broken, even as your eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open... say what you need to say." - Say by John Mayer

So I have realized over the past 4 days one key thing that I think I knew and practiced before, but now realize how completely critical and important it is-- When times are good or bad, highs or lows-- no matter the situation, you have to say what is on your heart to be said. You only get one shot at life and often one shot at those hard conversations that seem so scary and overwhelming yet are the exact conversations that need to happen. I am not saying run out and be mean, harsh, or critical. Don't unleash your own hurt and pain on another person just for your own emotional jollies. Instead, really think through what your head, your gut, and your heart are saying... and take the time to really processes those feelings. Think through how you want to say it and exactly how things are said will affect the other person. BUT with careful thought and consideration, say what is on your heart to say... be nice about it, but real, honest and totally open. You just might be surprised and things just might go better than you had expected. Making that phone call or talking to that person face to face may be overwhelming, scary, and even seem impossible but in the end.... its better to have said what is on your heart to say and to have said "too much than never say what you need to say again...."

Relationships.....

I started this post a couple of weeks ago when I was having relationship issues... and now as I am in the midst of another relationship issue.... I am back at it.... a few things for singles out there. (mostly I write this because I find it helps me.... forces these things to the forefront of my brain when my heart is trying to get in the way.... I think I want my head to take control, but my heart is not giving up easily...)



1. "Be Focused -- I say this a lot when talking to single ladies…but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not settle. The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to do more than we could ever imagine…that’s HUGE! I have seen WAY too many ladies settle, hoping that they could “fix the dude up!” Ladies–God didn’t call you to fix him…only Christ can do that. If you are in Christ then you are the King’s daughter…and you do not need to settle for the boy who can’t accept responsibility…you need to wait for the man who is WILLING to fight for your heart." (by Perry Noble, and can be found here.) Let me add that YOUR HEART IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! I promise! I struggle regularly with this fact, but it is worth fighting for and if he not fighting for it now while you are dating, he is not going to fight for it later either!



2- Don't get all emotional and stay mentally balanced. I struggle with this one like no other!! ( I care about people too much I think... I am already an emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve.... I over analyze and think... etc.)



3- Be honest-- with your self and the person you are dating. If things are not going as you hope or think they should be willing to be real and honest and say it. If in your head and/or heart you know its not right, then be honest and say it. Holding your true feelings back and not being honest only leads to frustration, anger, hurt and contempt of the other person, when they may not even know they are doing anything wrong.



4. Be Consistent-- Be the same person you are when you are together as you when you are apart. Also be consistent over the course of the relationship... I have recently heard of the honeymoon phase of dating where, not to single guys out, but typically guys stop actively pursing the girl. Not acceptable-- GUYS... you are fighting for her heart... keep fighting for it even when you have won it. Dating the girl and pursing her never ends.... even if she is the one you marry. As perry says here..."Treat her the same no matter what–THAT is an issue of character."

5. Wait for the guy to pursue you....I struggle like no other with this one. I don't know a one girl out there who does not want to feel the love and attention of guy.... BUT.... "Girls chase boys while women wait to be pursued." Go check out that link... Perry nails that post with 4 things single girls should know. Single guys can check out THIS link to 5 things a single dude should know.

6. Break off the relationship when you know that is what you are supposed to do. This post on I/we should break up is the gut check many of people need. We are all guilty of staying in relationships longer than we should. We are guilty of trying to make the relationship work. But at some point we have to just say this is not God's will and end it. Its a hard step to make, but will make each of us better off in the long run.


Finally... a little recap that were some tweets that Shane Duffey did on advice for single people... just bullets... but a very good set of straight forward advice...


I know this post is full of links to Perry Noble's blog.... and though I don't always agree with Perry, his posts on relationships are always right on. Sometimes they make me feel empowered other times they make me feel guilty... BUT they are always helpful. I hope they help you too!

Its funny how God works....

Tonight has been a bit of stressful night.... life, school, people... all had me stressed, frustrated, worried, overwhelmed... add which ever other word you think fits. About 9or 930 I left school to come home and keep plugging away on my paper because a recent turn of events in life had me stressed and focusing on a paper at school just wasn't happening. I got home and did the usual of letting the dog out, taking a really hot shower to focus back on school work and then settled in to write this paper. Lately I have been listening to Pandora's Christmas station however after listening to that for a few minutes, I just wasn't feeling it and switched over to Lala. Lala is where I have most of my country music (I know.. weird, but sometimes I really just want to listen to country) and some of my contemporary christian/praise/worship music. So I set Lala to play my whole collection... 200+ songs in the queue. The first few songs to come on were country songs... fun... tap your toes.... fine and worked well as background noise. But, I should probably forewarn you that I put all my music (country and christian) in the queue and that I had had it on random... so it was not playing in any order I put it.... it was playing on its own. So, then the songs switched.....

Its funny how God works.... First song that really caught my attention-- From the Inside Out by Hillsong United. Great great song with great great lyrics! "A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains. And should I stumble again, Still I'm caught in your grace. Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control, Consume me from the inside out..." That basically was what He first used to smack me across my face-- I have to be consumed with Him from core of who I am, heart and soul. When I let other things consume my life, I am just setting myself up to be unhappy and setting myself up to faill to see Him and His glory and goodness in my life. After that song, it switched to the next one. He is still working in funny ways... The song to come on was It Is Well. "Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul....Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul." I love that song. I kept restarting it and listened to it a few times before letting Lala move on to the next song. Next song... Who Am I by Casting Crowns. "I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow, A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord, you catch me when I'm falling, And you've told me who I am. I am yours." So at this point I am thinking that no matter what happens with school, life, etc, it is all good because its all part of God's will and and no matter what I may do and no matter how I may fall short, I am His child and it is well. Good.. my evening was starting to get so much better because of my renewed focus on what really matters.

Its funny how God keeps working.... The next song to come on was Francesca Battistelli's Free to Be Me. "At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream. A wars already waged for my destiny, but You've already won the battle and You've got great plans for me. Though I can’t always see ‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender... Got a couple rips in my jeans. Try to fit the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy. On my own I'm so clumsy, but on Your shoulders I can see, I'm free to be me. When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out; My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow. But things don't always come that easy and sometimes I would doubt ‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender... Got a couple rips in my jeans. Try to fit the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy. On my own I'm so clumsy, but on Your shoulders I can see, I'm free to be me... Sometimes I believe that I can do anything yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring. But You look at my heart and You tell me that I've got all You seek and it’s easy to believe...I'm free to be me" So still getting better! Its crazy how great God is! I must be His all-consumed child, I am free to be the person He has created me to be, and no matter what life throws my way or how far short of His glory I fall, I am his and it is all well with my soul. He was not finished though.... He threw in Jars of Clay's Two Hands... just to make sure I got his message. "I use one hand to pull closer, the other to push you away. If I had two hands doing the same thing, Lifted high, lifted high... And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation of our souls and if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts we’ll lose control and it feels like giving in. It feels like starting over. It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming. It feels like a brand new day. Open your eyes... because if I had two hands doing the same thing....Lifted High Lifted High" Yes. I am getting this message. Very clearly.

Finally, as I am typing this... Go Tell It by Lee McDerment just came on..."Go tell it on the mountain, Over the hills and everywhere. Go tell it on the mountain....." Its funny how He brings amazing peace and comfort when you least expect it but most need it. Its amazing how He puts you right where He wants you and not where you expected to be. Its funny how God works......

I can say with assurance... I got His message. and I'm still thinking.... its funny how God works....