on being High Maintenance and high performance

The past month or so I have been dating a guy who seemed like a keeper but it was not meant to be and we recently went our separate ways. However, I noticed a while back he had on his facebook that one of his favorite quotes was "I don't mind high maintenance as long as its high performance." Given he is a total car person, it seemed like a normal quote... but in light of recent events between us, I started to think about it in a very different context. I started to think about it from the stand point of dating and relationships, an analogy of sorts, and the roles two people play in that context.

I would argue that single women who truly strive to be Godly women are high-performance. If you think about the examples of high-performance vehicles, they are valuable, they are beautiful, functional, and impressive. They are perfectly engineered on the inside under the hood. If you think about the biblical characteristics of a Godly woman, I would say she meets those standards and then is eons past them- greater and more valuable than ANY high-performance vehicle. Just thinking about the fruits of the spirit, she should be loving, joyful, patient, peaceful, kind and full of faith and goodness. If you add on top of those characteristics the characteristics seen in Proverbs 31, you have an incredible woman of integrity, and the verse even goes on to say that she "lacks nothing of value." More than the fact that she lacks nothing of value, her heart was paid for at the highest price possible when the Son of God lived a sinless life and paid the ultimate price for her and every other person on this earth. Her heart belongs to God and from the inside, she is perfectly engineered because she was created by Him and has given her heart to Him.

And maybe Godly women are high-maintenance too. A Godly woman is not going to settle for less than God's immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) when it comes to a man. She is not going to adjust her integrity or her character for some guy just because he is not willing to step up. Maybe high-maintenance means that men have to try a little harder because the Hollywood standard of guys who refuse to be real men and refuse to pursue women the way they are called biblically do is not enough. Maybe it means that a man has to step up and trust God with the hard decisions.

BUT... in that same vein of thinking about high performance and high maintenance- you are not going to let just anyone touch or mess with your high-performance (usually VERY expensive and valuable) vehicle. In the same way, Godly women are not going to (or at least shouldn't) let less than the prepared, taught, and trained man touch them- be it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Too often guys today want to claim the rights of manhood without owning the rights of manhood. Too often guys want to tell women that they are ready and trained and prepared to be the Godly men they are called to be in relationships, but eventually time and experience would say and show other wise. Or, the other experience would be they know what they should do but they let society's ways and methods drag them away from what they know is right and away from the plans God has.

So. Guys.. if you want to have a true, Godly, "high-performance" woman (even if you think she might be high-maintenance) step up, be a man, and run after Jesus because if she is a true "high-performance" woman of God, that's where she is heading. Be real and be honest- but as Perry said so perfectly "... commit to her or quit. Don't play games to inflate your incredibly weak male ego with a woman's heart and soul and mind. She is a daughter of The King and deserves to be treated better. Why don't you step up and commit to her and then see what happens?" If that dating relationship works out, you have found an incredible woman of God. If not, you have learned and gained from the experience and respected the woman and respected God in the process.

And ladies- Wait for the man who realizes your true value and realizes the "high-performance" and worth that comes from dating a true woman of God. Wait for the one who is running after Jesus in the same way you are. Don't settle... even when the world is screaming that you should- DON'T do it because the King is enthralled with our beauty (Psalm 45:11) both inside and out- Let God bring you the perfect man He has created just for you and who realizes your true worth. Don't settle for the junk yard find when God has the BMW or Maserati or Mercedes or the Bentley, or whatever other really nice dream car for planned for you if you will just wait for HIS perfect timing. God makes all things beautiful in his time (Ecc 3:11) and He has "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" in store for us. (Eph. 3:20) It can be a struggle some days (LORD knows how much I struggle some days), but hold tight to the faith that God only wants good for us, He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), so delight yourself in and him and hold tight to the faith because HE WILL PROVIDE in ways we could never expect!

thinking...

Thinking and trying my hardest ...

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”- James 3:17-18

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Phil 4:4-7

Its a good thing all my hope and all my faith is in Jesus Christ and not someone walking around in this world.

I cant give details at the moment, but prayerfully considering a variety of things at the moment. Will you pray for me?

Inspiring words in 140 characters or less

I am a social networking person... I have Facebook, I have twitter, I have LinkedIn... You name it I have it. BUT... the one thing I enjoy the most of all of these is Twitter! I love the words of encouragement, inspiration, and faith that various people tweet. The following are some of my favorite tweets from the past few weeks

"We are not "Pro-Life" if we fail to support the foster care system. Caring for the born & neglected is much harder than opposing abortion." -@robbieseay

"Jesus offered thirsty people a drink; most people don't want a speech, they just want a straw" -@BobGoff

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." _ Galatians 5:6b" -@lolly1440

"Joy is a quiet gladness of heart as one contemplates the goodness of God's saving grace in Christ Jesus." John Calvin"- @mattchandler74

"When we live by the power of God rather than our flesh, we don't have to strive for power w/our words. 1 Cor 4:20" -@cory_marie

"still stewing over this @clayton_king quote: "it's not about trying harder, it's about surrendering more." -@mcdzl

"Show up before you speak up. People wanna see you live the gospel before they hear you preach the gospel. Matt 5:11-16" -@mandisaofficial

"Expect the unexpected...dare to venture into the unknown...learn to live magnificently in the tension between here and not there yet..." -@christinecaine

"There are ZERO limitations for the person who is motivated by the WORD of God and filled by the SPIRIT of GOD!!!" -@perrynoble

"You won't ever find a perfect church...perfect worship...a perfect christian..or perfect teaching...you will only ever find a PERFECT GOD" -@christinecaine

"you CANNOT abandon the pursuit of JOY and still accomplish the will of God. - John Piper' -@bcoop

"The "peace that transends understanding" (Phil.4:7) comes from trusting God fully in situations you don't understand." -@rickwarren

"JOY is the result of serving God's purposes, from his perspective, by his power, & for his glory." -@rickwarren

"God specializes in the element of surprise! u never know when or where He will invade the reality of your life with a holy surprise." -@markbatterson

"9 times out of 10, God doesn't want 2 change your circumtances. He wants 2 use your circumstances 2 change you!" -@markbatterson

"To grow a mature faith u must learn to trust that God is working in other's lives even when you disagree with them."-@rickwarren

"The only people who will not give people another chance are the one who fail to realize how many changes Jesus has given them!" -@perrynoble

Oh Sweet Summer Time!

I love the summers... I love the LONG evenings, bright sunshine, family time, celebrations, cook outs, spending time on the lake (or any body of water for that matter) and some what relaxing and slower pace. This summer I have not been up to anything in particular... but I have LOVED every minute of it! Here are some pictures of the fun....

Tubing....

Having fun!.....
Spending time with friends and family on the boat...

Friends having fun tubing...

Intense sunsets... and boats waiting for 4th of July fireworks...

Perfect sunsets at the lake....

Cadie stealing the ball and never giving back....

More beautiful sunsets...

Spending time with family, including the greatest niece in the world...

Seeing TONS of rainbows.... like this one when I went to my parent's house at the very beginning of the summer....

Next up is vacation up at the mountain house! Excited about getting to MUCH cooler weather for a week, spending time with some friends while there, and seeing Baba and Jack who are flying out for a few weeks from Seattle.

I am so blessed....

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 2)

This is a continuation of the Hollywood Romances post.... if you have not read the first post, go back and read this! That will make this more clear!

So continuing from the previous post....

One of the first things I found to be totally backwards in the majority of today's dating relationships is our first and extreme focus on the physical (and I am not just talking sex). We focus first on the physical so much so, we give ourselves physically to others before there is any commitment and any knowledge of each other emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly, spiritually. In one book, the author calls this type of "lets has a physical relationship before I really know you on the inside" (one where we have more intimate moments in a relationship where both parties are not committed to one side) as being emotionally promiscuous.(Illian, 59) We start with the physical and move towards the deeper knowledge of each other after the fact. It seems we care more about what people look like on the outside than who they are on the inside. And more important than who they are on the side, we seem to have all forgotten to get to know who they are spiritually and their personal relationship with Christ. My personal faith in Jesus Christ is the core of who I am. It is the single most important aspect of my life. However, in my last relationship, I never got to know the guy I was dating spiritually... ever. And he never got to know me spiritually. I let him saying on one of our first dates (in the Rockaways parking lot none the less for those of you in Columbia) something along the lines of "yeah, I raised Baptists and I was baptized in elementary school." I let that one statement be all it took for me to say in my head "yeah he is a Christian so I can date him." Rarely did I see the outward expression of that faith. For the most part, I did not see that faith in the way he talked to me or treated me, and we never once prayed together (not even blessing a meal). Instead, I took the road by saying to myself "he says he is a Christian so that's enough for me." I found out the hard way... that's not remotely enough. No offense (and this is not aimed at one person in particular but just a general comment from something I read recently), but saying you are a Christian makes you a Christian about as much as standing in a garage makes you a car. There is a huge difference between just accepting Christ so He will save you from hell and someone who accepts Christ and is radically changed because of his or her personal and intimate relationship with our Creator. That radical change is seen in actions, thoughts, the things we say, and the way we treat people. That is the critical difference between what I had and what I want. In addition to just the basic (yet incredibly important) aspect of having a spiritual relationship with someone you are dating, a further issue can arise and be seen down the road in later stages of the relationship. Men are called biblically to be the spiritual leaders of their homes and family. If he is not being the spiritual leader in dating, he is not capable of doing it in marriage. As my pastor at church said "Single ladies... if the dude isn't running after Jesus now then he's NOT going to be able to lead your family! (AND... if you are making excuses for him you probably know what you need to do." (He said something similar to this in his actualsermon on Sunday, but he also mentioned it on his blog here.) I can say without a doubt, I knew what I needed to do and felt convicted and God telling me to break off the relationship long before I ever did. Its not easy, but we often have to do things that are not easy in particular when it comes to dating and relationships. (and let me add... if you know you need to end a relationship with someone, do it as soon as possible. Waiting only makes it harder- and I can say that from personal experience!)

Another aspect of relationships that was pointed out in both books I read and that I found was true in my own personal experience was that I was trying to fill a void in my heart that the guy I was dating was never, ever meant to fill. There are certain voids that only God can fill. Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician, physicist, writer, and Catholic philosopher, said it best when he said "There is a God-shaped void in the heart of man which can not be filled by anything except God." Its true. If you are not totally sold out to God and HIS will for your life (including being single or not) and you are not totally content in who you are in HIM, no relationship will ever work or completely satisfy you. Before you or I begin any relationship, we need to be sure we are not trying to find a relationship to fill some void that person was never meant to fill. Get right with God and all of the other things will fall into place. There are seasons where we are meant to be single, even when its the last thing we want. We have to know that God has us in that season for a reason and it will be something exceedingly beautiful in HIS time. (Ecc 3:1-8, 11). Sometimes, even when it is hard, we have be still and know that HE is God and wait for his perfect timing and let HIM fill a void only He can fill. (Psalm 46:10)

One thing that I realized after the fact (funny how hindsight is always 20/20) about my last relationship was that there was an issue of being vulnerable when it came to our hearts. I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I don't think that is the case for most men. I do think there is a difference between recklessly throwing your heart around and carefully putting it out there. In the book Undressed, the author says we have "no resource more precious than our hearts, which is the Holy of Holies, the place where God himself resides." But, as the author goes on to say, love is all about being vulnerable. (from a quote by C.S. Lewis) Unfortunately, being vulnerable and potentially getting a broken heart (even though it will just be temporary) is incredibly important part of any relationship. I love how the author says "If you date, you may get your heart broken. But if you don't, you may find yourself in a far more tragic position- you heart may become unbreakable." (Illian, 29) You have to guard your heart and protect it from unnecessary vulnerability, while carefully putting it out there after a true relationship has been formed. He says "We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships" (Illian 29)

Another hindsight 20/20 thing I discovered was how I was looking for certain characteristics in a partner... but now I see how they were not really biblically based and not really the Godly characteristics I want. I was looking for a good guy who was a Christian but the specific character traits I was looking for were not really important. I love how the Bible tells us quickly in Galatians the kind of characteristics that any potential guy (or girl) we date should exemplify. Straight forward- The Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.) Its important that anyone you date, and especially someone you would consider marrying, have these characteristics. And... not just one of them, but all of them. I love how in a humorous way Jason Illian discusses this- he says "If the person you are dating doesn't exhibit ALL of them, not just one or two-- I mean, who wants a man who is good but has no self control?! --eject immediately!" (Illian, 36) He is so right! But what is more interesting to me is how this amazing author goes on to discuss how the word character goes back to the Greek word meaning"to engrave or carve, as if in stone." Amazing... these character traits should be etched on our hearts.(Illian, 36) I know there are all times were we are not feeling so kind, and we are not feeling so patient... We all are imperfect. BUT these traits should be something we see on a very regular basis in the person we are dating. (and don't forget that not only you are looking for those characteristics, but so are they-- so we each have to exemplify and show these characteristics in our own lives).

More to come later or tomorrow!!

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 1)

Have you ever had something happen to you or been in a situation where all you can think is "this just cant be right- This just cant be the way its meant to be?" I had one of those experiences back in November/December when it came to the relationship and the guy I was dating. I did not know exactly how to sum up my thoughts but I found a quote recently that pretty much summed up my thoughts and feelings exactly. The author wrote "I think it is fair to say we've been "dissed" when it comes to finding love. There has been disappointment and disillusionment. We feel distance and disbelief. We are discouraged and dissatisfied. Our hearts have been utterly dismantled. We have been fooled into playing a game of musical chairs where the music is Jaws and the chairs are already full." (Illian, 4) For me, It did not take much to decide Hollywood romances don't exist off the big screen and the methods that Hollywood seems to teach our society about how to go about love and dating are useless and backwards. It literally took me one break-up (which I was devastated by at the time but now see SOOO clearly that God has something FAR greater planned) to decide that the "norm" sucks and there must be something better. I knew that God... creator of every living thing on this planet- creative enough to design thousands of species of trees through the amazon forest, to populate the oceans with more critters and fish than any human could comprehend, who placed every single star in the sky by hand, who created every last thing, person, animal and plant in this world and still knows me by name MUST have something unimaginable planned when it comes to dating and relationships. As Illian said in his book "If the Creator of the universe is concerned with every hair on your head- I would argue that He is more than concerned with your personal and romantic relationships." (Illian, 6) I knew that the God who IS love (1 John 4:8) and is the One who created this thing called dating and relationships had to have something to say about the topic. For many, even those of us who have grown up in church, we never really have been taught or educated on the subject. All we know is what we see in movies (and lets face it... Hollywood is not real). To know HIS plan for dating, I just had to take the time to find out what HE has to say. I decided I needed to educate myself and really dig into and figure out exactly what God's plan is. So... after reading several books, talking with friends (both those who have and have not followed God's will in dating and relationships), reading and watching a series blog posts and videos that Priscilla Shirer posted on her blog at Going Beyond Ministries (which not only gave me perspective of what Godly people are thinking, but also the perspective of a large group of women who live both here in the US and around the world) as well as going back and re-watching the series of sermons that my church did as part of a series called "Dont Get Married Until...", I feel like I am fairly educated in what God says about dating and relationships through HIS word. (Though I definitely do not have much "on the job" practice- I am just educated on what HE says through his word.) In addition, yesterday's sermon at church shed a few more details on the topic from the perspective of what Godly men look like (thus what women should look for in men)

So... this series of blog post comes after weeks (and at this point several months) of thought, prayer, reading, and studying. Also- let me preface this by saying I am not talking down about or to ANYONE and none of this is meant to shed a negative light on the guy I was dating. While it is very clear to me (and probably to him too) that our relationship was not meant to be, I certainly learned a lot from it and do not regret the experience. He is not a bad person and I do truly hope he finds happiness and relationship that works for him.

Okay... on with the show (or more appropriately, on with the ramble!!)

As I read one of the books I found on the topic of Godly dating relationships, the author struck a cord with me when he said "We often forget that Christianity isn't just a religion. It isn't just a set of rules or list of dos and don'ts. It is a deep, intimate, personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. Who better to ask about relationships than the One who not only created them but also cultivates and nurtures them to this day?" (Illian, 6) "The God who is love and who created the heavens and the earth has a far greater imagination for what love can be than we do. And it certainly does not involve one-night stands, unreturned phone calls, broken promises, and shattered hearts." (Illian 13) HIS plan and HIS want is for us to "experience a completely fulfilling, blushingly unpredictable, emotionally empowering, and recklessly romantic love that is guided not by laws, but the Lord." (Illian. 13) So in that light, I continued to educate myself over the last few weeks and in that light, I write this series of blog posts.

So let me really start this ramble by saying you can have God and be in a GREAT relationship with Him and still have a great dating/relationship life. In the book Undressed- The Naked Truth about Love, Sex and Dating, the author, Jason Illian, points out a great point early on in the book. He says "Our God isn't an either/or God. He is a God of both/and. He desires for you to have an intimate relationship with Him and a romantic relationship with another. Your heart was not designed to love God one way and your partner another. They are not mutually exclusive, but instead divinely complementary." (Illian, 3) Another author pointed out that we are made to love and be loved- thats just how GOD made each and every one of us.(Ingram, X) With that being said, move forward through this series of blog posts with the idea that love and relationships are meant to be a part of our life when done the way God pans in the same kind of love we have with our Creator.

... more to come later this evening... or tomorrow! (This series of posts were originally one VERY long post. But.. it got TOO long. So now it is a series of blog posts!

Pits, Joseph and Job.

I have learned that Christian life isn't one of sinning less (as we all fall short of His glory) and it's especially not one spent trading visible sins for those easier to hide. It's a life spent everyday exposing more fully the depth of our sin so that we may know the depth of the Christ's love. (adapted from something my friend Jonathan said to me once) I think about the fact that in 2 Corinthians 12:9, it is made very clear that His power is made perfect in my weakness... ("But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.") Let me reiterate-- HIS power MY weakness. I fall short of his glory... every single day of my life. I am nothing without Him. and when I turn from Him or make Him something other than my top priority, things fall apart. I am nothing more than a "pauper to God's scandalous grace."

Early last fall it is safe to say that I started to find myself in a pit. At first it was a pit of my own making from not seeking Him and then was dug deeper by my own sins and bad choices and made worse by another person. Someone vs. a something can make a pit a very complicated, emotional, and spiritual battle. Biblically, a pit can be seen in several different lights as the result of several different things (Genesis and the pit Joseph was thrown into by his brothers, the pit in Job where Job struggled with blame, in Psalms where we are pulled out of a pit by God to stand on firm ground.) The pit I was in at that point was not something I realized I had even started to fall into. All summer I had for the first time in a very long time finally felt real, amazing spiritual growth and was loving every second of life. But then... fall came around, my studio work was beyond stressful, my quiet times became non-existent, my spiritual growth had plateaued and by October I had let a new relationship take priority over my own personal walk and relationship with God. That was not any fault of anyone but my own. Past experience told me even then that when times are stressful and free time short, that is the time that I most need to spend with the Lord. I didn't. At that point I did not realize that I was beginning my quick decent into a pit, but I was. Until recently it is fair to say that I did not realize the full scope of the pit I was existing in or how the pit changed from October to now. I am a good actress... I can act completely happy while inside I am not. I can say the right things, do the right things, and have everyone (including myself at times) fooled. By January and even more so the past few weeks the pit really started to be complicated by new pit-causing problems and my sinking in the pit was more rapid. It had taken a huge emotional and spiritual toll. While the grudges and anger I carried felt like I was getting back at and even with the things and people who hurt me, the reality was that me "jabbing [my] fingers into the guilty one's chest" was really only "jabbing more holes in [my] pit walls and throwing that much more dirt on [my] feet." Satan is cleaver in how he works. "He is a master of using our own insecurity against us. He knows that deep in our hearts we're so fragile and injured by life..." Isaiah 42:22 says that pits are places where we feel stuck and trapped. Psalm 40 tells us pits are not nice places to be and describes them specifically as slimy, muddy, and miry. Its a place where, unless specific action is taken, we sink deeper and deeper (Psalm 69:2) A pit is often a situation where "without windows we're convinced we have nowhere else to go..." and is "so poorly lit we can no longer see things that may have been obvious to us." We can try to make them more manageable and better looking... but in the end, its still a pit and "as soon as the rain comes, it all gets soiled" as every pit has a dirt floor. We need to look up... that's our only hope but "we're often too focused on our sinking feet to crane our necks to the blinding sky." I have finally stopped focusing on my sinking feet. Finally seen what my friends and family saw in December. Finally let go of hope in people and put all my hope in the Lord. I finally have given total and true forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I felt like forgiving was weakness. Beth Moore said something that totally shook me and was my break through too. She said:

"My breakthrough came when I realized that nothing took more divine power than forgiveness, and therefore nothing was more powerful than forgiving. You will never use your own volition-- the force of your will-- more dramatically than when you agree with God to start forgiving. Forgiveness is not about feeling. It's about willing. No stronger force exists. Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ, by His own submission, nailed to that cross. He could have taken Himself down in a split second. He could have called upon every arch-angle in the heavens, armed and ready. Had He said the word, the seas would have swallowed the earth in one gulp. Forgiveness is not passivity... it is power... Nothing demands more elbow grease than thrusting your arms forward and giving God the solitary right to vengeance."

She is right. It is power. It is the first powerful step to get out of the pit. Its the first powerful step to move forward. It is a critical step that is one of the hardest things to do because you have to forgive someone (in my case someone I deeply cared about) for something they may or may not even know hurt (and may or may not care one way or the other that what they did hurt). I have to think about the story of Joseph in Genesis 37:23-25. Joseph is thrown into a pit by his brothers-- his own flesh and blood, and they could have cared less that they did it and even sat there listening to him while they ate a meal. It says "When Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped off his robe, the robe of many colors that he had on. They then took him and threw him into the pit. The pit was empty; there was no water in it. Then they sat down to eat a meal..." Through the course of scripture we find out that not only did Joseph not to toss blame or get angry (against his own brothers who wrongly tossed him into a pit). Instead he opted to "view God as entirely sovereign and ... was the life of him." (not the death of him) Joseph knew, just as I have come to realize, that while it was intended to harm, "God intended it for good..." (Genesis 50:20) and He knew each little detail and exactly how it would all unfold.

The more I think through scripture, I think about Job-- someone who endured such loss and suffering. He could have easily blamed the circumstance on himself or even on God. Its only human nature to start to blame yourself. I surely have done that. Recently-- Today. I was reminded just this evening that I am only responsible for one person- myself. and while I'm not be solely to blame for the pit I find myself getting out of, I have to focus on the fact that I cant blame myself. I cant have that sickening urge of self-blame where Satan starts to play "mind games with [my] conscience so that for the life of [me], [I] can't seem to distinguish between those areas where [I am] guilty and those where [I am] innocent." This is not to say that I have never done anything wrong because I surely have. The question I have forced myself to find the answer to is not "have you done anything wrong?" but "have you done the wrong that fits the pit?" I think it is fair to say, I am still trying to answer that-- I know the answer in my head, but my heart still wants to blame myself in so many of the emotions and feelings. A friend of mine told me just tonight that I have to take ownership of my feelings and emotions because "they are what they are, but the one thing they are not is irrelevant. We experience them for a reason. They communicate something to us either about ourself or others." I am in the process of sorting through my totally relevant feelings to answer the question that will get me even closer to being out of the pit.

Finally, the other realization I have come to this evening is I often care more about what people in this world think than what God thinks. I would rather lose myself to make someone else happy. I would rather be miserable so one person will acknowledge my existence or be my friend. Despite what Galatians 1:10 says, I still often seek the approval of people walking around in this world than the ONE who matters. As a child of the Sovereign King of the universe, I am his daughter--I have come to realize I deserve to be treated as such both by others and, maybe most importantly, by myself. I cant make excuses for other people's actions. I cant hold on to hope of who I wanted someone to be. And I cant be my own worst enemy. A friend of mine and I had a soul searching, deeply personal conversation this evening about life. As always, he was straightforward, totally real, and reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me I am still here, still breathing. God created me in HIS image and since I am still alive, God still has something wonderful planned. I was reminded that God forgave me the first time I confessed my sins and wrong doings... but because of my own emotional baggage, I still carry the guilt of sins that God has long since forgotten. When he left my house, I was listening to music and Jonny Diaz's More Beautiful You came on. The chorus goes "There could never be a more beautiful you. Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through. You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do so there could never be a more beautiful you"

I am getting out of the pit... I am close. So Close! I am not going to buy the lies that the world has lead me to believe, I am not going to be tricked by the disguises that I am lead to think are true, and I am not going to jump through the worldly hoops that come from people, relationships and situations. Instead.... My focus is going to be on God and fulfilling the purpose HE has planned for me.

Answered Prayers

Several weeks ago at church, the sermon was on prayer from Acts 12:1-18. It was an incredible sermon and left me feeling empowered yet with questions and a bit of personal confusion (that I think I have figured out!)

The preacher started by saying that Christians are more superstitious than believers in the supernatural. He suggested that when a prayer is answered exactly the way we want it, we begin to pray that way over and over again for years because we believe that it was the way we prayed the prayer that got it answered the way we want it. It is 100%, definitely safe to say, that is not the case at all. That is our issue with superstition and not our total belief in the supernatural power of God.

He went on to preach about how God always answers our prayers in three major ways- No, Obey, and Yes. Garth Brooks' song saying "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" is wrong. It is not that our prayers are unanswered. Our prayers are ALWAYS answered. As it says in Hebrews, our lives are held together by the words coming for Jesus' mouth... He ALWAYS answers our prayers.

Sometimes God answers our prayers by saying "No." He says "No" and we have to accept that that is the way it is. No one likes hearing no. Sometimes "no" is the last thing we want. However, as a parent says no to their child, THE Father says no to us as His children. We serve the Sovereign King of the Universe... not Santa clause. He sometimes says "no" because by saying no he leads us to something greater than we could EVER imagine, dream or hope for.

Sometimes God answers our prayers by simply saying Obey. Often we pray for things that we know the answer to-- we pray about things that we should never have to pray about if we would simply obey His word and what He has taught us. In the sermon, the pastor used an example of a man praying about a situation at work where he wondering if he should tell the truth about something going on within the office. In that case, the answer to the prayer is Obey by telling the truth. Obey what God has already told us do through His word, the Bible. The pastor went on to say we also often try to pray ourselves out of a situation we behaved ourselves into. If we obey him and/or when we pray in situations where God's answer is Obey, we must follow what He has said. When we say we are praying about something we already know the answer to, all we are doing is delaying obedience.

Sometimes God say yes when He answers our prayers. That's the answer we like to hear the most. That's the one we love. We all like hearing YES! When He says yes, we get so amazed yet we forget that we serve a Sovereign God who gives His children good gifts. (and He ONLY gives good gifts! (Matt 7:11))

During the service they played THIS VERY incredible video about a young staff member, Zac Smith, who has terminal cancer. Zac's video is an incredible testimony of his faith. He points out in the video that sometimes God answers our prayers by saying Yes and that God is God and God is good. When God says "no", Zac reminds us that God is still God and God is still good. To HIM be the glory. Our circumstances do not change His character. He is still the sovereign king of the universe who created every last thing in this world and still knows my name and every last detail about me.

Since that service I have thought about prayers I have prayed, for things that I have wanted and the answers that God gave me. I think about the answered prayer that my dad is winning his battle against cancer. I think about a friend of mine who lost his mom to cancer. I wonder why it has to be that way that my dad is alive but his mom is not. Then I remember it is HIS answer and His glory will be revealed through it all even when it all seems wrong in our earthly minds, His character has not changed and His gift is still good and perfect. I think about Kate McRae, a 6 year old with cancer who is winning her battle but then my thoughts turn to 2 year old Layla Grace who recently lost her battle cancer. I think about my friend Joanna, one of the most faithful and wonderful people I have ever met and why she has cancer. I will never know this side of eternity, and maybe ever, why sometimes God answers our prayers with a Yes and why other times His answer is no or even why bad things happen to good people and innocent children. However, I know that every answer is used for HIS glory and will result in something far greater than I could ever hope or imagine and it will ALL be for HIS glory!

To HIM be the Glory!

Hope... and a TV show

Sunday night my mom and I were watching the TV show Brothers and Sisters on ABC. I watched it regularly for the first season or two, but I had not seen it in several years. For those who have never seen the show, it centers around the Walker family (mom Nora and her 5 grown children, as well as William Walker, the dad of the family who died in the first episode) One of the major plot lines in the movie is how the family had a seemingly perfect family but since William's death, his bad business and adulterous affairs surface. During Sunday's episode mom Nora was speaking with one of her children (Tommy to be specific) about William and how she wishes he would just stay buried but his past keeps coming to the surface. Tommy says in return, that it is so hard to let go of the hope of the person he thought he was. That line hit me like a ton of bricks.

Lately I have found myself holding on to the hope that different people in my life were the people I thought they were. Its a very hard thing to let go of, at least for me. Maybe because I am an optimistic person who sees the best in everyone or maybe because I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I think it is especially hard when, in the past, I have seen glimpses of what I thought that person was/is. In this realization that I was putting hope (and thus emotional energy and thought) into the hope of who I thought these people in my life were. I realized my hope was not solely in Christ and that I was expending unnecessary emotional energy on something that is not worth that energy. My hope can not be in any person living and walking around on this earth. My hope is in the Lord.

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." -Psalm 25:4-5

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." -Romans 8:24

Inspirational thoughts in 140 characters or less...

I am a twitter person in addition to my blogging habits. Recently, I have really begun to notice how much I enjoy seeing what others are thinking and feeling. Below are a list of tweets that really caught my attention from some pretty amazing people. Some are people who I know personally, some are Godly men and women who I have heard of but never met, and others are complete strangers who I have to "know" through blogging and twitter.

1. @JohnPiper Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psa
37:4) Health? Job? Spouse? Yes. Or Better.

2. @PerryNoble Praying I live a life driving by HIS conviction and not my convenience.

3. @debraParker thinking about the way Jesus loves, dangerous, whole, wild, and true...

4. @candiPshelton we need friends who will always have our back but not always take our side.

5. @RickWarren Praise & Criticism are TESTS of character. You path both tests the same way:
humble yourself to God and show love to others

6. @PerryNoble When making plans with God... make them BIG... and then be prepared to have him BLOW YOUR MIND

7. @mmwilli22 "God's reckless grace is our greatest hope" -T. Keller

8. @mattchandler74 When the illusion of control disappears we become men and women of prayer

9. @Jeremytreat5 "For without You, what am I to myself but the leader of my own destruction?" Augustine

10. @lolly1440 "Some people never find it, some only pretend, but I just want to live happily ever after every now and then." -Jimmy Buffett

Lessons learned.... singledom and relationships....

The past 5-6 week have been very different than I thought the first month of 2010 would be. BUT.... I feel like I have learned so much about myself, people in my life, and most importantly my faith, that I don't think I would change it if I could. I ended 2009 and started the first week of 2010 very happily in a relationship with a I guy I thought was different and special. He was my first real relationship and I will admit that I fell for him more than any other guy before. Well... one thing led to another and we are no longer together. I had hoped to remain friends and that may or may not happen... but none the less, it was a good learning experience and something fun, even if it only lasted a short time.


The following are some lessons learned from the past few weeks that over the course of many conversations several of my friends have said I should blog about.....

1.Single, dating, or married, your top priority and focus has to remain your faith and your personal relationship with Christ. Its a mistake I am most definitely guilty of... I let things and people distract me from staying focused on Christ and living my faith fully. No relationship will be totally successful without a focus on Christ.

2. If you cant be totally content with yourself being single, there is no way you can be content in a relationship. If something about singledom causes stress, anxiety, etc, there are probably some bridges that need to be crossed between you and Christ. Only once those bridges are crossed (between YOU and GOD) can you be content in a relationship. I am not saying that it is an easy thing to do or accept. I struggle daily with it. HOWEVER, I know that despite this season of life that I wish was different, I know God has me where I am for a reason that only He can make clear.

3. Be totally honest and real with yourself and the person you are in a relationship with! For me, the first half of the relationship was perfect.... he pursued me, made me feel special, he called, texted, and emailed me regularly (and without prompting) and I thought it was everything I wanted. But when things started to changed, I sort of tricked myself into thinking and even saying that it was still great and even incredible. That did nothing for me (as I was lying to myself....) and did nothing for him (because I was not being real or honest with him either...). I found a quote that said "when you don't tell people what you really think, you are not being kind. People cannot change and grow if all they get are insincere niceties." I am by no means saying be mean or cruel. I am saying that two mature people in a romantic relationship can say things in such a way that while it may not be exactly what the other wants to hear and may cause some initial pain, it is a necessary openness and an act of truly caring that is totally necessary! It is so critical to be totally real and honest with one another at any point in a relationship but seems to be even more critical in a new relationship where two people are really trying to get to know each other. I will say I know this is hard... I struggle with saying things to people that I greatly care about face to face and would often text or email my concerns when I should have called or talked to him face to face about it. In the future I will be sure to be totally real and honest and will do everything in my power that those hard and potentially emotional conversations are done face to face.

4. Do NOT settle! Since God can do immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) and there is no reason any of us should ever settle. This is particularly true in a relationship. In his perfect timing, HE will bring whoever He has created specifically for you into your life! (isn't it amazing that walking around somewhere in this world is the person God -- creater of ALL things-- has someone who HE created in HIS image just for each one of us!) And that person will be more than you or I can ever hope, dream, or expect! Until that person comes into your life, do not settle for Mr or Miss RightNow when He has Mr. or Miss Perfect in store! Its hard being patient, but I know for a fact it will be worth being patient for!!!

5. Don't make someone your priority if you are only their option.

6. Pray. Pray. and Pray some more. Pray for the relationship you are in and that you are following His will and for His guidance. And if you are single, pray for the unknown person that God has planned for you. Pray that who ever that person is is growing in Him, pray that his/her heart is being prepared to be joined to yours. Pray that you are being prepared to be the girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband He has created you to be.

7. Have no regrets. You live and you learn. Pray and ask for forgivness when needed. Learn from the experience. as they say... Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow.

Lion Chasing

I recently finished a book by Mark Batterson titled In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. I started it early last semester, but when school got crazy, it got washed to the wayside. Well... I started it again and recently finished it. VERY good book. I would highly suggest it.


The book is based off of a passage of scripture from 2 Samuel 23:20-21 where Benaiah chased a lion down into a pit. Despite the slippery ground and snow, he caught and killed the lion. It is possibly one of the most courageous and yet somewhat audacious acts in scripture but is often passed over. Benaiah goes on to be chief of Solomon's army for his courage.

Batterson uses this passage of scripture to suggest that we all face lions on snowy days in our lives. However... to live the life that God has planned for us, there are times when we have to face the lions in our life and chase them. If God can do immeasurably more than we can ever imagine (Eph 3:20) , we have to trust that the God-sized risks He is calling us to are the path we need to take. Batterson suggests that when we take the time to look in the rear view mirror of life "you'll see that God has purposely positioned you everywhere you've been-- even when it seemed you'd taken a wrong turn." As I think back through my life... Gods hand has been in it all. Right there.... even when I felt like I had not only taken a wrong turn, but was totally off the map and path.

The following was posted on Mark's blog recently. He calls it the Lion Chaser's Manifesto. It has been resonating in me recently... maybe because its the new year, maybe because my life as I knew it changed recently... who knows and well... its really not important why. But... I hope that maybe you will find some sort of courage or strength to chase the lions God has put in your life as it has me.

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue god-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Criticize by creating. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion."

Relationships.....

I started this post a couple of weeks ago when I was having relationship issues... and now as I am in the midst of another relationship issue.... I am back at it.... a few things for singles out there. (mostly I write this because I find it helps me.... forces these things to the forefront of my brain when my heart is trying to get in the way.... I think I want my head to take control, but my heart is not giving up easily...)



1. "Be Focused -- I say this a lot when talking to single ladies…but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not settle. The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to do more than we could ever imagine…that’s HUGE! I have seen WAY too many ladies settle, hoping that they could “fix the dude up!” Ladies–God didn’t call you to fix him…only Christ can do that. If you are in Christ then you are the King’s daughter…and you do not need to settle for the boy who can’t accept responsibility…you need to wait for the man who is WILLING to fight for your heart." (by Perry Noble, and can be found here.) Let me add that YOUR HEART IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! I promise! I struggle regularly with this fact, but it is worth fighting for and if he not fighting for it now while you are dating, he is not going to fight for it later either!



2- Don't get all emotional and stay mentally balanced. I struggle with this one like no other!! ( I care about people too much I think... I am already an emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve.... I over analyze and think... etc.)



3- Be honest-- with your self and the person you are dating. If things are not going as you hope or think they should be willing to be real and honest and say it. If in your head and/or heart you know its not right, then be honest and say it. Holding your true feelings back and not being honest only leads to frustration, anger, hurt and contempt of the other person, when they may not even know they are doing anything wrong.



4. Be Consistent-- Be the same person you are when you are together as you when you are apart. Also be consistent over the course of the relationship... I have recently heard of the honeymoon phase of dating where, not to single guys out, but typically guys stop actively pursing the girl. Not acceptable-- GUYS... you are fighting for her heart... keep fighting for it even when you have won it. Dating the girl and pursing her never ends.... even if she is the one you marry. As perry says here..."Treat her the same no matter what–THAT is an issue of character."

5. Wait for the guy to pursue you....I struggle like no other with this one. I don't know a one girl out there who does not want to feel the love and attention of guy.... BUT.... "Girls chase boys while women wait to be pursued." Go check out that link... Perry nails that post with 4 things single girls should know. Single guys can check out THIS link to 5 things a single dude should know.

6. Break off the relationship when you know that is what you are supposed to do. This post on I/we should break up is the gut check many of people need. We are all guilty of staying in relationships longer than we should. We are guilty of trying to make the relationship work. But at some point we have to just say this is not God's will and end it. Its a hard step to make, but will make each of us better off in the long run.


Finally... a little recap that were some tweets that Shane Duffey did on advice for single people... just bullets... but a very good set of straight forward advice...


I know this post is full of links to Perry Noble's blog.... and though I don't always agree with Perry, his posts on relationships are always right on. Sometimes they make me feel empowered other times they make me feel guilty... BUT they are always helpful. I hope they help you too!

I read this poem over at the LPM blog and thought I would re-post part of it. It pretty much sums up where I am in life right now... the desire to be bold, to step outside my comfort zone.... you should head over here to read the whole thing.


"Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love. "
- Sir Francis Drake

Liked this...It really hit home for me.

I read this over at MckMama's blog and thought I would repost part of it here. So true... so convicting and scary yet so very exciting to know HE is leading somewhere greater than we could ever imagine!

"No matter how careful our planning, we can rest easy in the knowledge that God's plans are greater than ours, even as we watch the plans we had set in motion unravel. When we face these stormy days and nights, we may be taken aback by the fiery intensity of it all, but God is never surprised. He's like the universe's best boy scout: always prepared. God is ever ahead of us, even when we lag behind, mouths agape as we see where He is leading us." - Mckmama