Me.

So... just for the heck of it, I decided to participate in Kelly's "Show Us Your Singles". You never know where you are going to meet the love of your life so as a single person who is totally open to what ever means God has planned for me to cross paths with the love of my life... Here I Go!!

A little about me...

My name is Laura. I am a late 20 something southern girl, born and raised. I have lived in South Carolina my entire life. My faith is the very core of who I am. I am active in mission work both locally and around the world serving as a board of trustee for a medical missions organization. I am also helping launch a new church here in Columbia as a way to serve my local community.

I love to cook and entertain. My family and friends are my world and keep me going every day! My niece, who is two, just might be the coolest kid around. I am also a bit of a college football junkie. My blood runs orange! GO TIGERS!! I grew up on the lake, so I love ALL things related to the water. The past couple years I have developed a love for the mountains too as my family has a vacation home in western NC.

I am finishing up graduate school in May. Right now my time is focused on finishing my thesis and research. When I am done, I will have 2 masters degrees (architecture and healthcare design)

If I missed anything or you want to know more, shoot me an email!

Lollysc@gmail.com

on being High Maintenance and high performance

The past month or so I have been dating a guy who seemed like a keeper but it was not meant to be and we recently went our separate ways. However, I noticed a while back he had on his facebook that one of his favorite quotes was "I don't mind high maintenance as long as its high performance." Given he is a total car person, it seemed like a normal quote... but in light of recent events between us, I started to think about it in a very different context. I started to think about it from the stand point of dating and relationships, an analogy of sorts, and the roles two people play in that context.

I would argue that single women who truly strive to be Godly women are high-performance. If you think about the examples of high-performance vehicles, they are valuable, they are beautiful, functional, and impressive. They are perfectly engineered on the inside under the hood. If you think about the biblical characteristics of a Godly woman, I would say she meets those standards and then is eons past them- greater and more valuable than ANY high-performance vehicle. Just thinking about the fruits of the spirit, she should be loving, joyful, patient, peaceful, kind and full of faith and goodness. If you add on top of those characteristics the characteristics seen in Proverbs 31, you have an incredible woman of integrity, and the verse even goes on to say that she "lacks nothing of value." More than the fact that she lacks nothing of value, her heart was paid for at the highest price possible when the Son of God lived a sinless life and paid the ultimate price for her and every other person on this earth. Her heart belongs to God and from the inside, she is perfectly engineered because she was created by Him and has given her heart to Him.

And maybe Godly women are high-maintenance too. A Godly woman is not going to settle for less than God's immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) when it comes to a man. She is not going to adjust her integrity or her character for some guy just because he is not willing to step up. Maybe high-maintenance means that men have to try a little harder because the Hollywood standard of guys who refuse to be real men and refuse to pursue women the way they are called biblically do is not enough. Maybe it means that a man has to step up and trust God with the hard decisions.

BUT... in that same vein of thinking about high performance and high maintenance- you are not going to let just anyone touch or mess with your high-performance (usually VERY expensive and valuable) vehicle. In the same way, Godly women are not going to (or at least shouldn't) let less than the prepared, taught, and trained man touch them- be it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Too often guys today want to claim the rights of manhood without owning the rights of manhood. Too often guys want to tell women that they are ready and trained and prepared to be the Godly men they are called to be in relationships, but eventually time and experience would say and show other wise. Or, the other experience would be they know what they should do but they let society's ways and methods drag them away from what they know is right and away from the plans God has.

So. Guys.. if you want to have a true, Godly, "high-performance" woman (even if you think she might be high-maintenance) step up, be a man, and run after Jesus because if she is a true "high-performance" woman of God, that's where she is heading. Be real and be honest- but as Perry said so perfectly "... commit to her or quit. Don't play games to inflate your incredibly weak male ego with a woman's heart and soul and mind. She is a daughter of The King and deserves to be treated better. Why don't you step up and commit to her and then see what happens?" If that dating relationship works out, you have found an incredible woman of God. If not, you have learned and gained from the experience and respected the woman and respected God in the process.

And ladies- Wait for the man who realizes your true value and realizes the "high-performance" and worth that comes from dating a true woman of God. Wait for the one who is running after Jesus in the same way you are. Don't settle... even when the world is screaming that you should- DON'T do it because the King is enthralled with our beauty (Psalm 45:11) both inside and out- Let God bring you the perfect man He has created just for you and who realizes your true worth. Don't settle for the junk yard find when God has the BMW or Maserati or Mercedes or the Bentley, or whatever other really nice dream car for planned for you if you will just wait for HIS perfect timing. God makes all things beautiful in his time (Ecc 3:11) and He has "immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" in store for us. (Eph. 3:20) It can be a struggle some days (LORD knows how much I struggle some days), but hold tight to the faith that God only wants good for us, He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), so delight yourself in and him and hold tight to the faith because HE WILL PROVIDE in ways we could never expect!

Limiting God

So I was recently reminded of an important part of life and even more important part of faith in Jesus Christ. We, as Christians, cant limit the possibilities of God. As Christians we should have God-sized goals that are scary and overwhelming because our God is that big. As Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (Charlotte, NC) said, "If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God."

This aspect of just how big God is plays into dating as well. As a single person I was reminded that I cant limit who God might be trying to bring into my life. Who am I to decide what is best for me when the creator of the universe, who knows every hair on my head and who created my inner most being, created someone far greater than I could every ask for or imagine (including the possibility (and probability) of not being who I would expect). If I cant imagine it or ask for it (Eph 3:20), then how am I to say someone is or is not right for me just based on one aspect or another without truly getting to know someone. I don't deserve anything. What I deserve died with Christ on the cross. But God knows who HE has created for me and what is best for me. I am not shutting any doors or closing any windows before God says to close them. I am not going to put God in a box because if it is a box I can imagine or comprehend, it is far to small for Him and his unfathomable creativity.

The following are a few verses that have really struck a cord with me lately...

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known....." Isaiah 42:16

"For I know the plans I have for you...." Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." Proverbs 3:5

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 2)

This is a continuation of the Hollywood Romances post.... if you have not read the first post, go back and read this! That will make this more clear!

So continuing from the previous post....

One of the first things I found to be totally backwards in the majority of today's dating relationships is our first and extreme focus on the physical (and I am not just talking sex). We focus first on the physical so much so, we give ourselves physically to others before there is any commitment and any knowledge of each other emotionally, psychologically, and most importantly, spiritually. In one book, the author calls this type of "lets has a physical relationship before I really know you on the inside" (one where we have more intimate moments in a relationship where both parties are not committed to one side) as being emotionally promiscuous.(Illian, 59) We start with the physical and move towards the deeper knowledge of each other after the fact. It seems we care more about what people look like on the outside than who they are on the inside. And more important than who they are on the side, we seem to have all forgotten to get to know who they are spiritually and their personal relationship with Christ. My personal faith in Jesus Christ is the core of who I am. It is the single most important aspect of my life. However, in my last relationship, I never got to know the guy I was dating spiritually... ever. And he never got to know me spiritually. I let him saying on one of our first dates (in the Rockaways parking lot none the less for those of you in Columbia) something along the lines of "yeah, I raised Baptists and I was baptized in elementary school." I let that one statement be all it took for me to say in my head "yeah he is a Christian so I can date him." Rarely did I see the outward expression of that faith. For the most part, I did not see that faith in the way he talked to me or treated me, and we never once prayed together (not even blessing a meal). Instead, I took the road by saying to myself "he says he is a Christian so that's enough for me." I found out the hard way... that's not remotely enough. No offense (and this is not aimed at one person in particular but just a general comment from something I read recently), but saying you are a Christian makes you a Christian about as much as standing in a garage makes you a car. There is a huge difference between just accepting Christ so He will save you from hell and someone who accepts Christ and is radically changed because of his or her personal and intimate relationship with our Creator. That radical change is seen in actions, thoughts, the things we say, and the way we treat people. That is the critical difference between what I had and what I want. In addition to just the basic (yet incredibly important) aspect of having a spiritual relationship with someone you are dating, a further issue can arise and be seen down the road in later stages of the relationship. Men are called biblically to be the spiritual leaders of their homes and family. If he is not being the spiritual leader in dating, he is not capable of doing it in marriage. As my pastor at church said "Single ladies... if the dude isn't running after Jesus now then he's NOT going to be able to lead your family! (AND... if you are making excuses for him you probably know what you need to do." (He said something similar to this in his actualsermon on Sunday, but he also mentioned it on his blog here.) I can say without a doubt, I knew what I needed to do and felt convicted and God telling me to break off the relationship long before I ever did. Its not easy, but we often have to do things that are not easy in particular when it comes to dating and relationships. (and let me add... if you know you need to end a relationship with someone, do it as soon as possible. Waiting only makes it harder- and I can say that from personal experience!)

Another aspect of relationships that was pointed out in both books I read and that I found was true in my own personal experience was that I was trying to fill a void in my heart that the guy I was dating was never, ever meant to fill. There are certain voids that only God can fill. Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician, physicist, writer, and Catholic philosopher, said it best when he said "There is a God-shaped void in the heart of man which can not be filled by anything except God." Its true. If you are not totally sold out to God and HIS will for your life (including being single or not) and you are not totally content in who you are in HIM, no relationship will ever work or completely satisfy you. Before you or I begin any relationship, we need to be sure we are not trying to find a relationship to fill some void that person was never meant to fill. Get right with God and all of the other things will fall into place. There are seasons where we are meant to be single, even when its the last thing we want. We have to know that God has us in that season for a reason and it will be something exceedingly beautiful in HIS time. (Ecc 3:1-8, 11). Sometimes, even when it is hard, we have be still and know that HE is God and wait for his perfect timing and let HIM fill a void only He can fill. (Psalm 46:10)

One thing that I realized after the fact (funny how hindsight is always 20/20) about my last relationship was that there was an issue of being vulnerable when it came to our hearts. I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve, but I don't think that is the case for most men. I do think there is a difference between recklessly throwing your heart around and carefully putting it out there. In the book Undressed, the author says we have "no resource more precious than our hearts, which is the Holy of Holies, the place where God himself resides." But, as the author goes on to say, love is all about being vulnerable. (from a quote by C.S. Lewis) Unfortunately, being vulnerable and potentially getting a broken heart (even though it will just be temporary) is incredibly important part of any relationship. I love how the author says "If you date, you may get your heart broken. But if you don't, you may find yourself in a far more tragic position- you heart may become unbreakable." (Illian, 29) You have to guard your heart and protect it from unnecessary vulnerability, while carefully putting it out there after a true relationship has been formed. He says "We must learn to be thoughtfully vulnerable, not recklessly available in our dating relationships" (Illian 29)

Another hindsight 20/20 thing I discovered was how I was looking for certain characteristics in a partner... but now I see how they were not really biblically based and not really the Godly characteristics I want. I was looking for a good guy who was a Christian but the specific character traits I was looking for were not really important. I love how the Bible tells us quickly in Galatians the kind of characteristics that any potential guy (or girl) we date should exemplify. Straight forward- The Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.) Its important that anyone you date, and especially someone you would consider marrying, have these characteristics. And... not just one of them, but all of them. I love how in a humorous way Jason Illian discusses this- he says "If the person you are dating doesn't exhibit ALL of them, not just one or two-- I mean, who wants a man who is good but has no self control?! --eject immediately!" (Illian, 36) He is so right! But what is more interesting to me is how this amazing author goes on to discuss how the word character goes back to the Greek word meaning"to engrave or carve, as if in stone." Amazing... these character traits should be etched on our hearts.(Illian, 36) I know there are all times were we are not feeling so kind, and we are not feeling so patient... We all are imperfect. BUT these traits should be something we see on a very regular basis in the person we are dating. (and don't forget that not only you are looking for those characteristics, but so are they-- so we each have to exemplify and show these characteristics in our own lives).

More to come later or tomorrow!!

Hollywood Romances... or a lack there of. (PART 1)

Have you ever had something happen to you or been in a situation where all you can think is "this just cant be right- This just cant be the way its meant to be?" I had one of those experiences back in November/December when it came to the relationship and the guy I was dating. I did not know exactly how to sum up my thoughts but I found a quote recently that pretty much summed up my thoughts and feelings exactly. The author wrote "I think it is fair to say we've been "dissed" when it comes to finding love. There has been disappointment and disillusionment. We feel distance and disbelief. We are discouraged and dissatisfied. Our hearts have been utterly dismantled. We have been fooled into playing a game of musical chairs where the music is Jaws and the chairs are already full." (Illian, 4) For me, It did not take much to decide Hollywood romances don't exist off the big screen and the methods that Hollywood seems to teach our society about how to go about love and dating are useless and backwards. It literally took me one break-up (which I was devastated by at the time but now see SOOO clearly that God has something FAR greater planned) to decide that the "norm" sucks and there must be something better. I knew that God... creator of every living thing on this planet- creative enough to design thousands of species of trees through the amazon forest, to populate the oceans with more critters and fish than any human could comprehend, who placed every single star in the sky by hand, who created every last thing, person, animal and plant in this world and still knows me by name MUST have something unimaginable planned when it comes to dating and relationships. As Illian said in his book "If the Creator of the universe is concerned with every hair on your head- I would argue that He is more than concerned with your personal and romantic relationships." (Illian, 6) I knew that the God who IS love (1 John 4:8) and is the One who created this thing called dating and relationships had to have something to say about the topic. For many, even those of us who have grown up in church, we never really have been taught or educated on the subject. All we know is what we see in movies (and lets face it... Hollywood is not real). To know HIS plan for dating, I just had to take the time to find out what HE has to say. I decided I needed to educate myself and really dig into and figure out exactly what God's plan is. So... after reading several books, talking with friends (both those who have and have not followed God's will in dating and relationships), reading and watching a series blog posts and videos that Priscilla Shirer posted on her blog at Going Beyond Ministries (which not only gave me perspective of what Godly people are thinking, but also the perspective of a large group of women who live both here in the US and around the world) as well as going back and re-watching the series of sermons that my church did as part of a series called "Dont Get Married Until...", I feel like I am fairly educated in what God says about dating and relationships through HIS word. (Though I definitely do not have much "on the job" practice- I am just educated on what HE says through his word.) In addition, yesterday's sermon at church shed a few more details on the topic from the perspective of what Godly men look like (thus what women should look for in men)

So... this series of blog post comes after weeks (and at this point several months) of thought, prayer, reading, and studying. Also- let me preface this by saying I am not talking down about or to ANYONE and none of this is meant to shed a negative light on the guy I was dating. While it is very clear to me (and probably to him too) that our relationship was not meant to be, I certainly learned a lot from it and do not regret the experience. He is not a bad person and I do truly hope he finds happiness and relationship that works for him.

Okay... on with the show (or more appropriately, on with the ramble!!)

As I read one of the books I found on the topic of Godly dating relationships, the author struck a cord with me when he said "We often forget that Christianity isn't just a religion. It isn't just a set of rules or list of dos and don'ts. It is a deep, intimate, personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. Who better to ask about relationships than the One who not only created them but also cultivates and nurtures them to this day?" (Illian, 6) "The God who is love and who created the heavens and the earth has a far greater imagination for what love can be than we do. And it certainly does not involve one-night stands, unreturned phone calls, broken promises, and shattered hearts." (Illian 13) HIS plan and HIS want is for us to "experience a completely fulfilling, blushingly unpredictable, emotionally empowering, and recklessly romantic love that is guided not by laws, but the Lord." (Illian. 13) So in that light, I continued to educate myself over the last few weeks and in that light, I write this series of blog posts.

So let me really start this ramble by saying you can have God and be in a GREAT relationship with Him and still have a great dating/relationship life. In the book Undressed- The Naked Truth about Love, Sex and Dating, the author, Jason Illian, points out a great point early on in the book. He says "Our God isn't an either/or God. He is a God of both/and. He desires for you to have an intimate relationship with Him and a romantic relationship with another. Your heart was not designed to love God one way and your partner another. They are not mutually exclusive, but instead divinely complementary." (Illian, 3) Another author pointed out that we are made to love and be loved- thats just how GOD made each and every one of us.(Ingram, X) With that being said, move forward through this series of blog posts with the idea that love and relationships are meant to be a part of our life when done the way God pans in the same kind of love we have with our Creator.

... more to come later this evening... or tomorrow! (This series of posts were originally one VERY long post. But.. it got TOO long. So now it is a series of blog posts!